My Mom always wants to "Go Home" How do I understand what she is really trying to say?

Hi Dawn,

Your confusion is normal, so please don't feel guilty. People's life span with Alzheimer's differs. Much depends on their age and health before diagnosis. But it does sound as though your mom is in later stages. The home she wants to go to is likely the one where she grew up, so she doesn't "get" that she is home.

Most people weather this by distraction, though it will not go away, and so you'll have to resign yourself to compassion and just keep trying to make her feel better. If you can make it work, maybe saying, "We'll get you back home soon, Mom. First, we need to go (say your kitchen or another room if she is in a nursing home)." Then try to distract her with something else. It may work for awhile.

My own feeling is that people often want to join their parents, spouse or siblings who have died. It's thought that the childhood home is what they want, and that is likely true. However, I've seen instances where people almost seem to be drawn out of their bodies, searching for their loved ones who have passed away. We don't have true understanding about what is going on in their minds, and that would never be the same for every person anyway.

All I can tell you is to realize you are doing your best and that it's likely no one could do better. Your mom, in her mind, isn't home. So, saying you will get her home as soon as possible and then distracting her may be your best hope.

You are not alone in this. Remember that, please. You are doing a wonderful job and your compassion shows in your question.

Take care and please keep checking in. Maybe others will have some ideas.

Carol

My mother has had alzheimers since 1993. In the beginning she was living with my son and his wife(they were  like 25 years old) and she was always trying to escape. I think she felt disconnected living with them. She has been living with me for the last ten years. She is 88. Forget about what she is thinking....imagine she is like a baby and make that baby feel safe. Touch her a lot. Kiss her. Wrap your arms around her . Tickle her. Tease her into liking where she is. Sing to her. Put on the music of her youth. Dance with her. If she can't sleep at night..get a spray melatonin and give that to her at night. Check out the blood type diet or genotype diet. Make sure she isn't eating foods that are distressing her.  Never give her potatoes.Potatos have aluminum in them and are inflamming just by their nature. Alzheimers is all about inflammation of the brain. Find foods that are not inflamming. Google that or give her one of D'adamo's diets.

Don't talk about her in front of her as if she cannot hear. Don't let others talk about her in front of her saying things like..."oh, this is so sad". ASSUME that she is in there...even if she can no longer think or the thinking comes and goes..she will have an emotional body for a long long time. And there is an intelligence to the emotional body. You're the parent now. She is the child. 

I've never given my mother any drugs except for aspirin now and again...I would touch her head and the pulse was so strong...part of that inflammation.  Rub your mother's feet if she lets you. That helps to calm and ground the body. 

Another possibilitiy if you're open to it is to find a homeopathic doctor where you live and get some help that way. There are many homeopaths but few who are doctors. See if you can find one. I know enough about homeopathy that i treat my mother myself.  You or anyone else can e mail me if you want more information about homeopathy. 

Hi, Dawn,

I know how difficult your situation is. Also, I agree with what the others have written. I'd just like to share that in my own interactions with my mom, I learned to live moment-by-moment and tried not to read too much into or try to decipher what she was saying. At that point, Mom was living at a nursing home, but at various times she thought she was at the airport, the store she used to manage, and in a hotel.  I decided that I needed to embrace her reality instead of trying to get her to fit into my reality. That eased the stress on me and, I believe, made my time with Mom more enjoyable. And she, too, asked to "go home." At that point, I followed what Carol advised about redirection. It seemed to work well, but I did have to use this strategy on multiple visits.

Take care and keep us posted!

Dorian