Hello and thanks for your question.  I believe the first thing you must do is to get him properly diagnosed.  You say he won't go to the doctor - has he been seen at all?  Just thinking that without a medical evaluation you will not know for sure if it is Alzheimer's or dementia.  Check with his general medical doctor to see what he or she thinks is the best course of action wth you dad.

In the meantime, you should talk to someone through a local support group or one of the national organizations' local chapters to find the help you need.  Turn to our Caregiver Center for the contact info and other material it should be helpful. 

All the best, sue

That sexual aggression is hard to take. Your dad may be thinking he's a young man again, and wants that kind of sexual relationship. I've had people tell me that their dad acts that way toward a once beloved daughter-in-law and/or all women he meets. This can get to be really awful.

The "fooling people" reminds me of my mother. I was a "bad daughter" for putting her in a nursing home "too soon." She would meet people and she'd be charming and wonderful. The had no idea that, by the next day, she wouldn't even remember they had come to visit. I heard so often, "are you sure your mom belongs here?" The people at the nursing home (and I) knew it was the only safe place for her.

You'll need help of some kind soon. Getting your dad to a doctor is going to be a challenge, though. You many have to drum up some other reason for him to go - say his blood pressure or something. Then, a doctor may be able to take over and help you.

Take care. You've got a bumpy road ahead. Check back often. We're with you.

Carol

My father-in-law has advanced Alzhiemer's. Back in 2004/2005/2006, he did show some sexual aggression. Even now at times he  wants to hit on girls, young or old. Now he knows he may not be able to marry again but we don't know for sure what he is tbinking. The first time was when he forget we were the guests in the house and he came in when I was taking a shower. (I locked the old bathroom later on. Now he moved downstairs and we use the one upstairs to avoid more contact like this.)

He was embarrassed. Sometimes he does make some remark. e.g., he would tell the  caregiver who is 20 that "will you come sleep with me?"  We just know that it is the disease that makes him so. I even noticed once in 2005 that he bought Viagra (not sure how the doctor allowed it...) and I threw it out after he lost memory of this lady who he was dating in 2005 (My late mom-ln-law died in Oct. 2004.)

What we do is just ignore him or try not to cause the situations. e.g., I try to stay away when I am not dressed very well. I didn't let him touch my waist belt when one time he wanted to. The home care nurse told him the truth that she could not marry him. Instead she calls him a lot (as part of her job demand.)

If it is so bad, your father needs to be alone or your Mom needs to be in a different room to protect herself. I hate to say this, but it is 2-way street at this point, he is sick but we have to protect ourselves also. But so far my father-in-law is "rational" on this. Not sure about later.  He is taking namenda and exelon.

If you father is not diagosed properly, please find professional heath care people for help. In our case, the professionals are able to calm him down.

Nina