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Hello and thanks for your question.  I believe the first thing you must do is to get him properly diagnosed.  You say he won't go to the doctor - has he been seen at all?  Just thinking that without a medical evaluation you will not know for sure if it is Alzheimer's or dementia.  Check with his general medical doctor to see what he or she thinks is the best course of action wth you dad.   In the meantime, you should talk to someone through a local support group or one of the national organizations' local chapters to find the help you need.  Turn to our Caregiver Center for the contact info and other material it should be helpful.    All the best, sue