This specific family member used to have a profitable ranch / cattle business, was financially stable, made sound decisions, and looked out for his family. Now he's been making bad decisions - refinanced a house that was almost paid off, ended one marriage that cost him alot of $$ and is fixing to marry another woman (who is just like the ex) who is in it for the $$, is selling off things in his home (even stuff that belongs to his children or that are to be left to his children in his will), has almost stopped taking care of his cattle (to the extent they are dying and not producing calves), is going further and further into credit card debt (saying it dies with you, but in our state it does not and will come out of the estate), is forgetting things he tells you and retells the story / situation a few minutes later, etc. The family is facing the extreme likelihood of having to sell off the family land / ranch (that's been handed down for over a 100 years) in order to cover the debt he's racking up, and we're at a loss of what to do.
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Caregiving
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Q: A family member is exhibiting signs that he's "lost his marbles". Short of calling someone to have him picked up and hopefully hospitalized for a psych evaluation, is there anything that we can do???
It does sound likely dementia is present, though medications and infections or vitamin B-12 levels can cause dementia-like symptoms. He needs to see a doctor. Maybe a third party (non-family) could talk him into "getting his blood pressure checked" or something and the doctor could be notified ahead of the issues. If all else fails, Social Service may be able to help.
Carol
Hi Confused,
I am sorry that this relative of yours is in big trouble. I suspect he has early Alzheimer's or dementia. If you can, some family member needs to be the guardian or POA for him. It may be hard if he insists on his own will. If the future wife is a good one, maybe she can discuss with you guys and see what she has to say. Don't assume she won't be a good lady friend. Maybe she can also help out. However, if she marries him, she certainly would have more power on him as a wife. Anyway, make him see a doctor/specialist to see how his memory is and make sure he has no other hidden physical problems. The doctor's diagnosis can also help the process a lot.
Regards,
Nina
I think what you need is a neurologist or psychiatrist referred by a family doctor. The specialist can do a test to see what is wrong with him. But the hard part is he needs to go there to be diagnosed. The technical part may be clarified by the doctor's office or even a social worker, so call these places to find out. Maybe the hospital has the specialist who can help but they need referrals.
Since you are a daughter-in-law like me, I would say yes you need to leave it to your husband. Don't be the bad guy. You can support him by showing him all the info. and details. Now, if this future wife of his is not stable, then it is another problem. But your family needs to have some diagnosis to declare your FIL is incompetent and your husband or siblings-in-law can go to the court to apply for guardian. This way, the future wife will not be able to have a right unless she marries him. The issue is she may be in the way. His kids can try to fight for the power with this lady and etc. Not a pretty picture...
I think you can just support your husband and provide him all the info. But it is his decision to do anything to help his Dad.
Regards,
Nina
The first question that comes to mind is – has this family member been diagnosed? In order to be able to help this individual it is imperative to first get to the bottom of his behavior patterns and figure out where they are coming from. If he is experiencing memory loss from an infection or imbalance of some sort, he may be able to get treated and return to his previous self. If he is diagnosed with a form of dementia, however, the doctor may prescribe medication that may help slow his symptoms and manage his behavior. This can also clarify how much involvement the family needs to have in order to protect him.
No, this family member has not been diagnosed. A call was placed to the family doctor, to let him know some of the things that have been witnessed, but it was pretty much dismissed with "he's fine - he's getting up there in years and nobody's memory / actions are going to be what they used to be when they were younger".
If his behavior is out of the ordinary, and harmful to his financial well being, consider getting a second opinion from a different doctor. It is worth getting him tested to figure out what is causing these changes, and perhaps the doctor could issue treatments that will help his behavior patterns.
In the event that this individual has dementia, you should consider speaking with an attorney and have one family member step in as his advocate (via Power of Attorney if he can elect one, or via Guardianship if he cannot). This is a necessary step in salvaging his estate. Whoever is appointed to manage his finances will need to take all accounts out of his name and pursue decision making from hereon in. A responsible advocate can make sure that his property is taken care of, and make decisions that serve his best interest. This can keep him protected financially both now and in the future.
Without delay, have this family member visit with his primary care physician for an initial diagnosis. It is the first, and perhaps most important step in helping matters.
I made a few phone calls - DePaul & MHMR - but neither is able to do something unless he physically goes there. DePaul did say that I, or one of his kids, could go down to the county court and file a mental health warrant which would allow him to be picked up and taken in for testing... but that would open another can of worms - and without doubt, end my marriage (which is not something I'm willing to end). This family members children do believe something is wrong, but aren't willing to push the issue. I've tried pointing out that the guilt over pushing the issue would be minor compared to the guilt they'd experience if he doesn't get help and perhaps winds up killing someone or himself (due to inattentive driving, etc) and they've done nothing... but to no avail.
It is important to consider that if he does have Alzheimer's disease, his condition will only get worse from here and he can be in great danger, both physically and financially. Denial is a difficult thing to combat, but the longer his family waits to get him help, the more challanging it could be for everybody down the line. In addition, what his family might be missing are the possible legal consequences that could result if someone gets hurt by his driving. If he is not equipped to make his own decisions, and he hurts someone or something while behind the wheel, the blame could be pointed on the family - who did not do the right thing to protect this man and others around him. If you feel that his family is being negligent or neglectful of his care, you may want to get Adult Protective Services involved to start an investigation. This could help pinpoint what direction to take.
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Hi Nina. I really think there is a serious underlying medical issue that's causing him to do the stuff he is. I've tried talking to his children (he's my father-in-law), but I believe they are in denial that anything could be wrong with him, or are just plain scared to stand up to him and tell him something is definately wrong and he needs help. Unfortunately the actions of the future wife up until now have seemed to be more detrimental than helpful. So much so, that unless she is with my father-in-law, he's really not "allowed" to be around his kids. The family doctor is a country doctor, who we really don't trust, so he's pretty much not an option. I feel that I'm going to have to be the bad guy in this, though I was hoping one of his kids would step up to the plate. Do you (or anyone) know if DePaul (or another psych facility like it) will tell the person who made the call? If they don't, I'll be on the phone with them instantly... if they do, I don't feel that I can risk my marriage over it. ?????