Rose Mary,

I think you are clever to calm her down with the pills. Good work!

However, radiation therapy is lots of work and sometimes you may feel pain over the areas, and you will feel weak. So you definitely need a break from caregiving. You said you have someone there part-time, maybe you can consider asking them to do it full-time for a while until you finish the treatment. Or try respite care in the homes.

I know you want to care for her youself and you feel sad for her if she goes out to a strange place, but you have to balance this out. Your health is more important at this point. Your Mom is progressive slowly and it takes a long time. I suggest you put the focus on yourself first and ask other people to help your Mom.

At first your Mom may resist the new help and the quality or method may not be what you wish for, but you have to let go and trust other caregivers for now. You will be back for her.

My FIL used to resist outside help as well and he hates hospitals. But the caregivers in his house really earned his trust and now even in the hospital when he is sick, only these caregivers can change him or tell him to eat. They also tell him not to pull out the iv tubes and etc. It takes a while for him to get used to the caregivers but it is wothwhile that someone else can help him also.

You need to find outside help. I think what you have done for your Mom is great, but you need to let go for now. I understand she is suffering too, but cancer is more urgent at this point.

Take care,

Nina