Dear Rose Mary,

It is not uncommon for a person with dementia to experience anger and confusion when in the presence of a stranger. Imagine for a moment what it might feel like if you were in a similar situation - not only is an unfamiliar person entering your home, but this 'stranger' is performing medical check ups and encouraging you to exercise. Even if this doesn't seem too scary to you, it is important to consider that it might feel a lot different to someone who is already confused, even if it is for the person's benefit. Although it is good that your mother forgot about the incident and felt calmer later on, you can do certain things to help her stay calm during visits as well. When an aide comes to examine your mother, a good idea is to keep her distracted during the process. Try to do whatever you can to keep her mind off of the aide so she does not focus on the examination itself. You mentioned that your mother "wanted to leave and go someplace else." You can use that to your advantage, by engaging your mother into a conversation about that. Here is an example of the kind of exchange you can have:

Mother: I don't like this. I want to leave and go someplace else!

Rose Mary: I know that you might not be comfortable here. I want to help make you comfortable. Where would you like to go?

Mother: I want to go home!

Rose Mary: I can understand that you want to go home. You always loved taking care of the house.

Mother: Yes, I miss my flower garden. All those pretty flowers...

Rose Mary: Oh yes, the yellow tulips were always your favorite. They are my favorite too. How about you and I go outside in a little while and take a look at the flowers in the backyard?

By distracting your mother with a pleasant conversation, you can help to take her mind off the event and as a result, relieve some of the tension and anxiety. You can also use other "tools' such as picture albums, music, story books or videos to help you along. Feel free to get creative in your approach and always use positive reassurance to ease the situation. Best of luck!