Hi jymmie

It is certainly very possible that your friend is confabulating, in other words, plugging gaps in his memory to compensate for fragmented memories. He is not lying and would not be aware of what he is doing. It is not malicious, simply a way of the brain managing the gaps.

This is all based on an assumption about his mental state. Confabulation is a characteristic of early stage dementia.

Christine

Hi Jymmie,

My husband is in the late 2nd stage of the disease. I speak the truth to him. If he asks me, as he often does, if I see the white kitty (we don't have a cat), I tell him I don't. If he gets agitated when I tell him the truth, I remind him he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Sometimes it is painful to tell my husband the truth--such as when I remind him he no longer works and is medically retired, but I personally believe the truth is best. 

My mother used to appear perfectly normal, yet tell a different angle on the same story to every person she saw. Many people thought I was the one with a problem, since I said my mother had dementia, and they couldn't "see it." Yet, had they visited with her more than once a month, they would have figured it out quickly.

People with dementia aren't lying. Depending on the stage they are in, they are painfully aware of the gaps in their memory and trying to cover by filling in with whatever seems to fit (Mom was a genius at this), or they are no longer aware of their memory problem and just telling their reality as it is at the moment. They are telling their truth.

In my opinion, it is only hurtful to "call them on it." This is not an attempt to decieve for the purpose of gain. People who do this are just trying to figure out how to live with the condition they find themselves in and trying to make sense of the world as they see it.

If someone else is hurt by what is said, try to take that person aside and explain the situation. Most people are compassionate enough to at least try to understand. Some may doubt that you know what you are talking about, so get used to that. All you can do is try.

Carol

I haven't been through the lying but have been through the asking of the same question several times within minutes. I think you and your "friends" are in denial and don't understand that your close friend is telling, as the one expert below said, his truth. 

Compassion, understanding and accepting reality will greatly reduce everyones' stress and let them enjoy each others' company. And if his friends truly understand, the only hurt comes about because they remember how he was and are comparing that to how he is. 

Good luck:)

My gran went through confabulation.  I was confused at first and could not understand it.  I spoke to a therapist and she pointed out, like other people here have, that people with this disease need to fill in the gaps.

The therapist told me NOT to challenge the stories.  The therapist said to do that will only cause the person to have to come up with something else.  Cause they need to fill that gap in with something.

I have dementia, and I can say with certainty that I sometimes do one of two things.  Sometimes I "reach back into my memory" for facts and statistics I know I used to know, but then when the sentences begin, I am appalled to discover that the facts have not been retrieved.  It is embarrassing, awkward and often more than that.

On the other hand, sometimes people with dementia unconsciously complete a "gestalt." Subconsciously their minds see a complete square even when two of the lines don't quite meet.  That is completing a Gestalt. It is a survival mechanism born of mammals' need to see the whole lion even though it is partially obscured by a bush or the branch of a tree.  Gestalt is a perceptual phenomenon. Relaying something one 'remembers" after subconsciously seeing a complete Gestalt is NOT lying. Lying is consciously constructing a falsehood.  I was a teacher, and I was accustomed to being credible and honest. the honesty (a character trait) is still there despite the fact that I'm not always so credible all the time.

Please, please: My brain is failing me, but not my intent. To assume that I've become a liar is horribly mistreating me.  It causes me a loss of something that is still mine, and it does so at a time when I am losing som many other things!

Hi Jymmie.  I have worked with a lot of Alzheimer's and dementia patients.  And even though dementia is a very individual disease, this is a very common occurance.  We have to remember that their brains are not like ours and no longer function the same.  In his mind, he may not be lying but might be speaking what he feels is the truth at the time.  Or is plugging in words or sentences because he doesn't what to say at that time.  Through my experience and trainings I have had with the Alzheimer's Association, it is ok to let him talk this way.  If you try to correct him or state the truth is it upsetting to him?  If so, then refrain from doing so.  As caregivers, agreeing with him or telling our own fibs can be therapeutic for him.  We want to avoid making him feel frustrated, angry, or sad because he may truly not realize that he is not telling the truth.  Remember, people with dementia often have a very different reality and sometimes we have to step into their world to see and understand them and this disease.