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Friday, February 13, 2009 darpopmasl, Community Member, asks

Q: How do I handle it when my mom simply refuses to do anything I ask....like simply getting out of bed

She is able to bath herself, with my help, carry on a conversation, get dressed, with my help, but sometimes she gets belligerent and won't do anything I ask.  It's a problem when we have an appointment, etc.

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Answers (2)
Carol Bradley Bursack, Health Guide
2/14/09 9:12am

I see the problem. I've been there. My personal take on it is that she has lost so much control over her life that she is controlling this, even when it's not in her best interest. My advice would be to be as casual as possible and if she won't get out of bed, say, "Okay, I'll be busy doing other things. Do as you'd like." Then walk away.

 

This may even mean canceling an appointment, but you may make progress in the end if she feels it's her decision to make.

 

This is hard. I know it. But, encouraging and even insisting isn't working, so it can't hurt to try this approach.

 

Best,

Carol

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Dorian Martin, Health Guide
2/17/09 9:33pm

Hi, Darpopmasi,

 

Carol's feedback is great. The other tactic that worked for me with my mom was to frame a situation in a way so that it appeared to be coming from her. In addition, I had to be willing to use a white lie if necessary. For instance, I might ask her something (instead of telling her something) and frame the question in such a way that I'd get her agreement. I also would start several days before an appointment in mentioning it or writing it on her calendar in her room so the message would sink in. And if the day came and she dug in her heels, I'd point out the calendar where the appointment was recorded and "remind" her that she had been excited about going.

 

So think about your approach to your mom when you need her to do something. Coming around the backdoor can really be helpful!

 

Take care and keep us posted!

 

Dorian

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By darpopmasl, Community Member— Last Modified: 12/25/10, First Published: 02/13/09