Good advice, I will begin to save all receipts just in case I will need them.  Right now the only thing we have her pay for is for dinner once a month when she receives her ss check.  But right now I feel a need for a sitter when we have certain functions to attend and weekened relieve.  Do you think it is fair that she pays for that out of her pocket or should we pay for it since we need the break.

It's really not a question of fairness, but rather if she is choosing to voluntarily pay for these things and is able to fully understand that she is.  If she lacks this awareness, then a legal solution should be sought to protect her and you from any potential consequences.  If your mother's income is very low, you may be able to find free or low cost legal assistance in your community.  Contact your local senior services office for guidance.  Best Wishes  --  Joe  --

Thanks for your response, I am realizing that POA & Guardianship is something we need to consider very soon.  But let me ask you this, neither sibling has guardianship at this time and I guess it's about who cares enough about their own mother to watch over her, so who is responsible for her well being at this moment?

That's a good question because it has more than one answer.  From a purely legal standpoint, the state you live in would assume responsibility for her if she was unable to care for herself and was determined to be a threat to herself or others.  From a moral standpoint, you and your sibling would assume responsibility for her.  Ideally, you would meet and develop a fair plan to do that.  Under less than ideal circumstances, one of you would take charge and do your best to take care of her.  That's a big job to take on alone.  Because of the immense amount of effort required to do this, some time off is inevitable.  That requires a willing sibling, a close family friend, or professional help.  When you find yourself paying for that respite care, it can become expensive over a period of time.  To use the funds of your mother to cover that, she must be able to sign the checks and pay the bills.  You can help by filling out the check and having her sign it.  By mailing it for her, you would ensure that the payment gets to the provider of the services.  If your mother cannot understand the act of paying the bill or cannot sign the check, an attorney would need to assist you in developing a plan to meet her needs.  I hope that this answers your questions!  -- Joe  -- 

So than if she sold her house now and we set an amount to be paid for her care, all taxes to be paid and claimed at the end of year, and if within three years her proceeds on her house are gone, when the time comes to put her in nursing home will they still consider her proceeds from her house?

I think you need to get a doctor saying she needs care. If she obviously needs someone to be there...then that is a medical expense and the state can't come back and say they want that money back. Of course you should document everything you do..washing, bathing, cooking, laundry, cleaning, dressing, doc. appts...everything. You need to call and find out what the rules are in your state. I think in Mn..they used to go back 3 years but they might go back 5 years now.

Also, my mother ran out of money 10 years ago. I worked out of my home so everything was cool. But as i worked less and needed more money i placed by mother into a agency called alternative care run by the state..its not medical asst., and they pay me for 6 hours a day to take care of her(even though its 24/7). and they take 1/3 of her social security.  Keeps her out of a nursing home.

Well thank you for the information and for chatting, it's good to hear what others have to say and the advice is good alot of the times.  We really do need to figure out what to do because she is progressing mighty fast.