- Introduction
- Diagnosis
- Treatment
- Prevention
-
Caregiving
- Coping with Emotional Changes
- Coping with Memory Loss
- Costs and Insurance
- Creating a Daily Routine
- Exercise
- Health and Wellbeing of the Caregiver
- Home Safety Adjustments
- Mental Exercises
- Respite Care
- Talking to Children about Alzheimer's
- Talking to Friends about Alzheimer's
- Telling Someone They Have Alzheimer's
- Transition to Assisted Living
- Transition to Nursing Home
- Work
- Related Conditions
- Resources
Q: My mom and some of my siblings say I'm not able to care for my dad in my home, even with hired help, even though I'm a registered nurse with years of experience in nursing homes. I'd like to try.
Hi, Incapable Daughter,
I think if you decide you really want to do this, you could be able to. I base this on two reasons. First of all, I have a good friend who did not have nursing skills, but who did a great job caring for both of her parents (who had Parkinson's, but not dementia) in their home. She hired quality caregivers to assist her and basically "ran" her own caregiving program. She also learned a lot about caregiving and was able to take on regular shifts (which is something you're already trained to do). She also was able to maintain a high quality control of what type of care her parents were receiving. And I think that you also can involve your children. My mom regularly took my teenage brother to the nursing home to help with care of her mother (who had dementia). My brother did a very good job and proved to be a very compassionate caregiver. However, I would also add that this effort also made it very difficult for him to take up any health care vocation (which he would have been good at) because it was so emotionally draining.
Take care and keep us posted!
Dorian
Hi innocent daughter,
You have such a big heart wanting to move your dad to your home and care for him.... It is nice of you. Is your hubby going to support you as well? I agree the adult kids can help your dad as well. I understand this way 24/7 home care may be cheaper because you only need part-time worker and you and your kids are there a lot. Strictly speaking, he needs 24 hour home care but if you have enough man power to rotate, you may not need the hired help for 24 hours. This way it is cheaper than the nursing home.
But it seems your family does not like this. I think in a way, your 9 kids have their own lives. Eventually your Dad will decline to the point that you need to be there 24 hours unless you have help. It is not just the physical care, but it also has to do with the "watch" so someone can change the tv channel for him and motivates him to exercise and do the daily actitivitse. Lots of work.
My father-in-law had had almost 2 years home care. He had caregivers since late 2005 and the hours was added gradually up to 24 hours. Now he is in a residential home and got very good professional care.
About this guilt, I think it is not fair that your Mom thinks someone else needs to help to get rid of the guilt. You need to tell her, don't feel guilty. It is no one's fault. Caring for an old man with Alzheimer's is not easy. My FIL is a man, frankly I think a man gets more violent and is more dangerous.
Also, you need to be aware that you can never argue with your Dad and you only soothe him (I guess you know this as a nurse.) It is a lot of work.
I don't think you need to help your Mom to get rid of guilt. Your Mom needs to know that she has done the best and don't feel guilty and should not put it on her kids about her guilt problem.
I cannot help the part about what your siblings think. But you need to raise your 9 kids, you won't have time to do that if you have to care for your Dad for 24 hours. If all 9 kids are old enough as older teenagers, then it may be OK.
Good luck,
Nina
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