My sisters and I are getting ready to move our mom who is 81 and has some dementia and alzheimer's to a retirement center. Her 94 year old husband will be moved along with her. This is our third try at getting them into a retirement center because they keep refusing to go. At this point Mom has no recollection of whether she has eaten that day,exhibits forgetfulness, and lives in a second floor condo. She definitely needs to be moved. She forgets things five minutes after you told her something but she still recognizes all of her daughters and family members although she doesn't always remember their names or who they belong to. She repeats herself constantly. We are concerned about the disease escalating with the move. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make the transition easier? Neither her or her husband are going to be happy about leaving their condo they've lived in for 20 years.
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Q: Moving mom from her condo to a retirement center
Hi, Sue,
I know how difficult this time will be for your family. I am sure that your parents will initially not be happy since they previously refused to go. However, I think that once they get there, meet people, build relationships and develop routines, they'll adapt. You didn't mention how your dad's health is. Is he physically and mentally healthy? If so, then you may want to focus on winning his approval as early as possible after the move since what he says may influence your mom.
As far helping your mom through this transition, know that there probably will be some initial decline in her mental state after the move, but know that she can come out of it. We moved Mom three times (into the nursing home once and then two more times to two different wings). The tricks I learned included the following: (1) try to place some items that she is attached in in their room(s) so that she will feel at home prior to moving her; (2) be present the day of the move; and (3) be present as much as possible for the next few days after the move.
Also, be prepared for unusual outbursts. In our case, shortly after Mom made the last move, she started yelling at my brother and told him she wanted out of the nursing home NOW! And when he didn't reply immediately, she told him he was no longer her son and to leave. That response from Mom shook my brother up, although later that day when he went to visit, she didn't remember the conversation. I had seen some similar outbursts when Mom moved before, so I was able to counsel my brother (who was in town to help with the move since I was out of town).
I wrote about these moves in several blogs, which you can find at:
http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/c/42/1830/make-smooth
http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/c/42/1851/adjusting-home
http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/c/42/2332/day-smooth-loved/2
http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/c/42/2502/caregiver-coach
http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/c/42/7736/move-mom-newer/2
There's also another sharepost from the AFA staff that you may find helpful:
http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/c/2016/24930/comments
Take care and keep us posted!
Dorian
Adjustment from one location to another is not always easy, regardless of an individual's age or stage of Alzheimer's disease. Since you already have attempted to move your mother and her husband twice, it might be helpful if you seek the assistance of a professional, perhaps the administrator of the facility, a doctor, nurse, case manager, or social worker. Often, family members have a hard time convincing their parents to relocate but when the recommendation comes from a professional, some individuals may be more willing to make a change. You might even want to consider having a social worker or other skilled healthcare worker present during the day of the move to provide comfort and support to both your mother and her husband. Once they have moved into the retirement center, you can have a great impact on alleviating the transition by surrounding them with possessions that they have grown used to. It is a good idea to try making their rooms at the retirement center as comfortable and recognizable as possible by making them look like their previous home. Surround them with favorite paintings, plants, or family photos. Bring along a favorite bedspread, favorite sweater, or a colorful trinket you know they like. Keep pictures of loved ones near by and consider affixing labels to their calendar or bedroom mirror to remind them of important dates and people in their lives. Also, if possible, introduce your mother and her husband to the staff members and other residents early on, so that they know them by their first names and will recognize them in the halls, giving a sense of comfort and security during this initial adjustment period. If possible, try to visit them as often as is needed during this period in order to help smooth out the transition process.
Dorian's answer is right on. She did so well, all I can do is emphasize a couple of things. One is that there will be decline. You can bet on it. Maybe anger and outbursts. Maybe depression, for a time.
Just remember that this is the best thing to do. Your mother can't keep living the way she is. And most people, after the adjustment, do much better. Many grow to love their new way of life. It's hard on everyone to go through this transition, but when it needs to be done, it needs to be done. If assisted living doesn't work, it will be a nursing home. So, really, what choice do you have?
Read Dorian's posts. I've written about it some, too, but I think her's cover it well. Take care of yourself, detach from their emotional issues and remember you are doing what is best for all concerned.
Carol
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