Monday, August 03, 2009 JustANiece asks

Q: What is the Best way to tell a person with Alzheimer's that they are going into a full care facility

My mother(72) has been caring for her brother(77) at her home for a year and a half now. His Alzheimer's has progressed much quicker than any of us could have imagined. We will be taking him to a Beautiful full care facility tomorrow. We know that we are doing the right thing for his well-being and Especially our mother's. We know the transition will be very hard for my Uncle. (He is Very attached to mom and one of my sisters... who picks him up Every day and spends a few hours with him to give mom a little break.) Does anyone have a suggestion on how to make the first day or week a smoother transition. Where do we say we are taking him? The facility suggested that we call it his new apartment. (?) We will decorate his room with familiar items before we check him in. Is it better to have lots of visits the first few days in order to avoid anxiety or is it best for him to settle in to a new routine from the start? We do all plan to visit him as much as we can. (Thankfully, we have a large family)

He never married or had children, so we are all he has. We could not have asked for a sweeter or more gentle Uncle to have through all our childhood years and we want to make sure he is always happy and well taken care of. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.

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Answers (5)

Carol Bradley Bursack, Health Guide

8/ 3/09 9:11am

You are on the right track and it looks like you have found a good facility. They are giving you good advice.

I would visit him often and make sure he has as much family support as possible, just as you would if he were moving elsewhere. He needs to know you aren't abandoning him. You are getting him more help than ever, but you are all still there to care for him. That is the truth, so there is no reason not to tell him that. He will settle in better knowing he hasn't been abandoned. The "new apartment" or whatever you choose to call it comes with extra staff to help care for his needs, but you are still caregivers. He needs you.

Your showing that you love him enough to get him the best care possible and will be there for him is wonderful. He will have down times and will complain, but he will adjust. You all will help him through. By the way, I was "just a niece" and "just a neighbor" to some of my elders. We still love them with a passion.

Take care,

Carol

Dorian Martin, Health Guide

8/ 5/09 3:58pm

Hi, JustANiece,

I agree with Carol. I also wanted to suggest that your family needs to begin to move your concept of caregiving from the daily "to-do's" to that of being your uncle's "advocate." By that, I mean that I think it's important during the first few weeks when he is at the facility that you be visible by going at a different time each day. That way, you can meet the staff and get a reputation as being an active and visible part of your uncle's life. If possible, you might have friends and relatives go at different times during the same day. I found that by being visible and becoming acquainted with the different staff members who are assigned different shifts, I was able to know how to approach them, nip any problems in the bud, and make sure that Mom had a good quality of care. And they got to know me and how I'd respond to emergencies (which do come up) and when special requests were made on the part of the facility.

Your uncle is lucky to have such a caring family! Take care and keep us posted!

Dorian

Richard Taylor

8/ 5/09 6:23pm

I am of the opinion there is no "best" way. The way is what you and he make out of it. It doesn't sound like he was much involved in getting to this decision point, so you will have to to some degree live with the consequences of not helping him feel like this was his decision. It's ssort of water over the damn now, but know there is always a price to pay when we impose something on someone else and tell them "it is for their own good:>=" when they themselves don't think such is the case.

It sounds like he needs a purpose to his life. Something(s) to do everyday that make him feel good about himself. He needs to be involved in his own life, not depend on your lives to make his own life intersting and meaningful. Together you can both have fuller lives if you spend time together, but in the end it is you who make what you receive from life. He needs to be supported and enabled to make his life. He may even need to be reable to make his life, but he has been so dependent on others to do it for him for so long.

I don't know either of you so of course I'm just guessing. I wish you both the best on this journey.

Richard

8/ 5/09 8:37pm

I was told that the person somehow would need to know that he is going to a home. It depends on the staging. If he is in early/moderate stage, maybe he needs to be told gently. However, if he is incompetent, it is up to you guys to do whatever is best for him and all of you to balance out the stress for all. In my FIL's case, my husband dares not tell him or talk to him about nursing home saying he would not understand and only gets upset. He will tell him that his Dad is going to a better place if he goes to a home in the near future. Some manager in the home said he needs to be told so he knows what to think of it.

About the purpose in his life, if he is incompetent, the only purpose is to show him hibbies in the home so he can feel useful. Sitting at home is not helpful for him.

It is nice that you got a nice place for him. Maybe if you involve him in the process of decoration and preparing for a new place, then he would be more co-operative.

Of course, if he is in stage 7 and cannot talk or walk, it is up to the loving family to do the best you can.

Take care,

Nina

sally marie

8/ 5/09 8:55pm

i think that it is best to tell them they are going to a new home and that you will visit them as much as you can. also try and visit them at different times of the day to see how the nursing is taking care of the person and a smaller one is better

Q: What is the Best way to tell a person with Alzheimer's that they are going into a full care facility

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