Thank you Carol!!!  Turns out we may be ok!  I heard it's REALLY hard to get the VA to respond but I know they like to take care of their vets.  I am praying that God send me to the right person.  Also, in Texas there is some type of rules to protect my Mom's homestead and that she is sure to have enough money to live on when Dad goes into a facility.  Today I am researching the VA nursing home facilities once again.  I want him to be comfortable and not too far away.  It's going to be a huge change, of course. Mom and I are trying to get over the guilt.  Doing the right thing is not easy.

Also under the circumstances - we can apply for Guardianship - and the attorney thinks it will be easy (the law part - not the emotional part) - and we can do what we need to do.

Thanks for caring!!!!!     sharon

Emotional roller coaster ride.  I was so happy yesterday.  Mom and I visited the veterans home and it was wonderful!!  Clean, nice, smelled good, safe, smiling staff.  They seem to really care.  He's on a waiting list.  Worse case $2200 a month - best case nothing.  That is all good news. 

Bad news is we cannot make him go and we do have to file for legal guardianship.  We did not want to have to do it. 

Bad news.  VA came today and met with Dad - they got there early - before Mom did.  Dad told the guy he pays all his bills - takes care of it all, etc.  Mom shows up and the guy says - we are appointing someone to pay his bills.  We are setting up a special checking account and his VA check will go into it and we will manage it.  What's left over we will put into a savings account.  Told my Mom she's the "estranged wife."  Well - who is taking Dad to the dentist for a follow up for his dentures?  We just got all his bills set up to pay on-line - and we let Dad think he's paying them.  Now Dad is all upset and confused.  This is how the VA helps?  It was the guys attitude that ticked off Mom.  Poor Dad.  His mental state was not that great and now he's so upset - calling Mom and saying - I want you to help me.  It's just awful.  They could have handled this so much better.  They are gone now and we are left with Dad's mental state.  I hope nothing bad happens but I pray for that every day. 

This is really hard because we don't know the rules.  Who to turn to for help!  oh the VA guy said they don't honor guardianships.  So, are we wasting Dad's money?  or is that just for finances?  I am calling tomorrow.  Pray for me - I don't want to have an attitude.  I just want to take care of my Dad and my Mom during their senior years. It should be a happy time, not so stressful.    Thanks for listening - I know I am rambling. 

Well we finally got Legal Guardianship and a day later a Veterans Home (state nursing home for vets) decided to try us out.  God had a plan.  We took Dad there but we were not completely forthright about him staying.  He would not have gone.  They are not equipped to deal with people resistant to stay and almost did not admit him.  I begged.  They said they would but he might have to go to a psych ward at a VA Hospital until meds if he did not cooperate.  I prayed and prayed.  He never got violent but wanted to go home badly.  6 days later he still carries around the bag I packed him.  (of course he has more clothes we sent)  And they have not sent him to the VA hospital!  Praise God!!  We have to wait a few weeks to see him.  He won't take meds - but they sneak it in ice cream and applesauce.  Still feeling guilty some yet relieved.  I thought I would be happier right now he's safe and in a great place.  Did not expect to feel so guilty!  But doing ok overall.   thanks for your support - it means a lot.    sharon