when do you decide to enforce your dual power of attorney without making him/her feel helpless

This is a hard question. Usually when you have to do it to protect the person, you just have to do it first. Then depending on how sick the person is, you can comfort him/her saying that you are helping him/her and that two of you can work together in a way. If he/she is very sick and feels bad, you really don't have any choice. What we do for my father-in-law is to distract him. We just told him he has enough money and he has kept asked this kind of questions. The only different thing here is he is willing to allow my husband to handle it. He gave him the POA and trustee power.

He still feels helpless about his own state  but it is part of ALzheimer's and you should not mix up his/her helplessness and the POA stuff. Just deal with his/her feelings. POA is more important than feelings at this point. Being legally competent regarding money matter or medical service is very crucial.

Regards,

Nina