Thursday, December 25, 2008 ELIZABETH asks

Q: DOES MY REPEATING THINGS OVER AND OVER HELP OR HURT?

I AM THE 50 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER OF AN ALZHEIMERS PATIENT . MY DADDY,WHO WAS MY WHOLE WORLD ,DIED UNEXPECTEDLY IN OCT2008

I NOW FIND MYSELF ,ALONE,TAKING CARE OF MY MAMA WHO IS GETTING PROGRESSIVELY WORSE ...I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN OVER MY DADDYS DEATH ,AFTER 15 YEARS OF CARING FOR HIM AND WORKING SIDE BY SIDE FOR THE PREVIOUS 20 YEARS . I AM NOT READY TO LOSE MY ONLY PARENT , AND NEED ALL THE INFO I CAN GET TO HELP HER , SHE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER DADDY IS DEAD AND I CANNOT SHOW MY GRIEF IN FRONT OF HER FOR FEAR OF CAUSING HER EMOTIONAL HARM ....

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Answers (3)

Leah, Health Guide

1/ 8/09 2:13am

Please accept my condolences in the death of your daddy. Even at fifty, the little girl in you is devastated and scared. I can see it in your writing. I can feel it because I've been there, too. I, unfortunately, am a sixty year old living with vascular dementia. I can attest to your having to repeat things over and over. Like your mother, I have little to no short term memory. Don't be afraid to repeat things to your mother. Be patient with her. In this time of your grief, I know this must be difficult. If you are concerned, check with your mother's doctor to see if her medications are correct. Perhaps there is some other kind of medication which would help. Your mother is living in her own world now; you cannot even imagine what that must be like. Use photographs when you talk to her. She may have long term memory; use that whenever you can. But don't be afraid of insulting her by repeating things. She honestly cannot remember. Best of luck to you both.

Leah

Connie Moore

12/25/08 4:51am

Hi Elizabeth I am so sorry about your father. You need to give your self time to grieve. Your mother is grieving too she just isn't able to express it. Having to tell her eveyime about your father is like being hit by a train again but she needs to know that its okay to grieve and talk about him. Answer her questions honestly and then try a thing called bridging. Move from the sadness of his loss to talking about old memeories. It helps yes she has alzheimers and yes she will continue to ask but it's better for her to know he loved her then that he has possibly just desserted her in her time of need. Remind her of his love for her. I know it's hard but try to hang in there Okay. Write often it help to get it out. Vent because you are angry and it will help. You can vent here so it dosen't bottle up insided you and then you explode. Welcome to this site. Like I said write often it will help and yes be honest as you can with your mother treat her like you would want to be treated follow your heart and you won't go wrong. Connie

HSCM

12/25/08 3:42pm

Hi Elizabeth: Repeating things over and over has never hurt any of our patients although we do try to redirect them by saying ( I answered that now we are going to talk about something different now ). I would also recommend keeping a daily log of your moms behaviors and activities. You may begin to see a pattern of when she repeats more during the day. If it is more prevalent during a certain part of the day try getting her involved with an activity prior to or during that time. You may also want to try some aroma, music, physical, or art therapies throughout the day. A structured active day with lots of sensory stimulation will usually go a long way in helping with the repeating. Good Luck

Q: DOES MY REPEATING THINGS OVER AND OVER HELP OR HURT?

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