- Introduction
- Diagnosis
- Treatment
- Prevention
-
Caregiving
- Coping with Emotional Changes
- Coping with Memory Loss
- Costs and Insurance
- Creating a Daily Routine
- Exercise
- Health and Wellbeing of the Caregiver
- Home Safety Adjustments
- Mental Exercises
- Respite Care
- Talking to Children about Alzheimer's
- Talking to Friends about Alzheimer's
- Telling Someone They Have Alzheimer's
- Transition to Assisted Living
- Transition to Nursing Home
- Work
- Related Conditions
- Resources
Q: My friend has early onset alzheimers, diagnosed at 49 years old and is now 53. Her family lives in Virginia, California, Texas and Nevada. She has deteriorated. No gaurdian is in place only POA in VA.
Hi, Shelley,
Thank you for being a wonderful friend. I know that it's very easy to be in denial about a family member's mental status when you're not there on a daily basis to see what's going on. And also, seeing a family member decline is a reminder of mortality that some people want to avoid.
Since I'm not familiar with the laws in your state, I'd suggest that you contact your local council on aging to see if they can provide any advice tailored to where you and your friend live. Also, has your friend's doctor contacted her family members? That information may help the family step up to assist your friend.
Take care and keep us posted!
Dorian
Hi Shelley,
Have you contacted the family? Sometimes guardian is not a must. Do they feel they need to be a guardian? A health directive POA or POA for property sometimes is plenty enough. The real issue is do they really pay attention?
But you don't want to be her guardian because you are not family. If you apply for it, you may not get it because you have to override the family POA and etc. It is family issue. Perhaps you should talk to them. Since she has no family, she can only go to an assisted living home or move to Virginia to be cared for.
I have a neighbor who has similar issue. Her good friend has dementia and her family is in UK. My neighbor cannot be her guardian because it is too much responsiblity for her and they are in the 70s. She made sure the family in UK came over to Canada at times to care for their sister and moved her when the home was closed.
You can only reinforce and make the family pay attention. Or call social workers and they can reach the family and discuss the issue. However, please don't be hostile to her family. Sometimes we may need to stay out of family and even when they need help or "warning", we should be positively helping them. The only way to do it is to make sure the authorities contact the family if they do not listen to you.
Just my 2 cents,
Nina
Dear Shelley,
Your concern for your friend is commendable. You stated she does not have a guardian but there is a power of attorney. Guardianship is a legal process families pursue if their relative completely lacks capacity to make decisions for themselves. Decisions like arranging medical appointments, where to reside, consenting to medical treatments, etc. are a few legal rights that are taken away from an individual when a guardian is appointed. A power of attorney, on the other hand, allows the family to assist with managing a person's finances as well as other aspects. If the family feels your friend is still capable of making many of her own decisions, it could explain why they don't feel guardianship is necessary.
From your description, it sounds like you are trying to convince the family of her deterioration. Since the family lives out of state, there is a possibility they may not completely understand her level of deterioration. Many times, long distance relatives are only able to speak with the person on the phone and solely rely on what's communicated as an assessment of the person's condition. This type of assessment, however, is not as revealing as spending time with the individual with the disease. Therefore, one of the best ways you can help your friend is to try to give her family as accurate a picture of her current living situation as possible. Saying things like "she is deteriorating," may not get the point across. Instead, try informing them about changes in her activities of daily living. For instance, explaining noticeable changes in your friend's weight, behavior, household cleanliness, etc. are concrete aspects of your friends life the family may appropriately respond to.
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