My summarization has become "what's wrong with Mom is keeping her from understanding what's wrong with her". My mother has been in assisted living since August and everyone agrees that where she needs to be due to her advancing stage of mental/physical effects. But mom doesn't perceive her level of ability to be any different than it used to be and so doesn't understand why she has to be there instead of back in her own home, and doesn't remember our explanations when we do try to explain (she just gets very angry and agitated when we even try to say it's because she's not capable of it any longer). I wish I could find some way to distract her from asking when she can go home, to the grocery store, etc. as she keeps threatening to "kill herself" if she can't do these things.
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Q: When they can't understand what they can no longer do....
I know, Cynthia, that this period of time is very hard on you. The roles have been reversed. You are having to take over as the "mother" of your mother and she cannot understand this nor anything else that is going on. Is your mother on medication? Is she getting the correct treatment? Contacting her doctor might be the first step. The second step is doing what you are doing--reaching out. Read up as much as you can on Alzheimers and dementia. This site is an excellent place to start. Is it possible that your mother's attention can be changed when she gets into such agitation? Would music help? I know it is difficult to be calm and patient with her but that is exactly what you must muster up during these times. Once again, I strongly urge taking her to her doctor and discussing her medications. I know this was probably of little help...but I wish you the very best as you work with your mother during these trying times.
Leah
I would check with her physician about antidepressants and anxiety medication. They do not like change and it is hard for them to adjust. At least talk to her doctor and see what they think. Good luck.
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