Wednesday, November 04, 2009 JGandJ asks

Q: Suggestions on transitioning to a third party care provider

We need to hire someone to come to our mother's house. Currently our mother lives on her own. She bathes herself, dresses herself, runs the washing mashine and dryer, folds her clothes. She will not put her clothes away and if she does she can't remember where she put them. She refuses to cook for herself. She insists on going out for her daily meal. When she is not out to eat, she lays on her bed "watches" tv and sleeps. My two sisters and I have arranged for her to play cards with friends in her building on Monda y (they are kind to let her play, as she has forgotten the rules) and Wed she goes out with an old understanding friend. The remaining days fall to my sisters and me. One sister is a teacher and lives a mile from mom, one sister is an at home mom with two children and lives a mile from mom and I am currently unemployed and live about 20 miles away. As I look for a new job I have been taking mom out three days a week and stopping by to help her put away clothes, wash her dishes, run laundry, change sheet, take her food shopping and bring her some food favorites I cook. Mom doesn't complain and is comfortable with me there. My other sisters just take her out to dinner and infrequently go up to her condo apartment. I will hopefully be accepting a position in the next week and we need to find someone who can come 4-5 days a week to sort of do what I have been doing three days a week. How do you find someone who Mom will be comfortable with? We tried to get someone about 6 months ago but Mom would yell at the care provider and throw her out.

Since that failure her altheimers has gotten worse, in that she is more confused and her short term memory is almost non existence.

Any suggestions on transitioning to a third party care provider?

Answers (3)

Notify me when there are new answers

Carol Bradley Bursack

11/ 5/09 9:17am

This is difficult no matter what you do. Your mother is likely feeling powerless over her loss of identity and independence. That doesn't help you, I know, but frustration and anxiety often play into why elders won't accept outside help.

But you need to get it so you will soldier on. Is there adult day care in your area? That is sometimes good, as the senior can often be picked up to go "volunteer" or whatever, and they then have a social outlet and care at the same time. Many need to have their family there at first, but can be weaned.

In-home care works well for many, but some resent the "intrusion." Biting the bullet and transfering her to an Alzheimer's unit in an assited living facility is an option. All of these will make her angry. All will be hard. All will be expensive. But your sanity is valuable and you need to lead your own life as well as being a caregiver.

I do hope you find some solution (of a sort - there's no perfect answer for long, anyway). Please keep in touch.

Carol

11/ 4/09 5:56pm

We have hired this home care company for my FIL, and they provided the caregivers who come to his house to care for him. The co. boss are people person so he easily convinced my FIL that he needs someone. His wife, the nurse, is also very cozy with him and he loves her on the phone. It really takes a while for him to get used to the caregivers. So far there had been changes 5 times in 4 years. One lady is stable and my FIL likes her. He would tell us he didn't want a fat one and etc. We have to hire someone that is patient and follows the rules. We fired one young lady who didn't know how to handle his flirting. It is now stable since May. The new caregivers are still trying to get him used to them. The old ones that remain have been accepted by him.

I think you need to interview a few home care companies and then interview the caregiver provided by the company. If you keep one home care co., they can find another caregiver if she does not like the one they send to her house. I would suggest that you find a well-reputated big company. Our home care co. is a start-up home business and we had enough problem with them. It has been a long 4 years dealing with them. Also a good company that pays the caregiver well is better so the caregivers are happy doing the jobs.

You also need to be aware that your mother cannot have too many changes of the caregivers in the future later on. Now she may be ok with changes but when she gets sicker, she would not like to have strangers come and go helping her to take a shower and etc. because of privacy. So find a good one and stick to it.

Be aware that one day the person would need to tell her to wash her hands and give her a shower or cut her hair/nails and etc.

Good luck,

Nina

11/ 4/09 6:01pm

I suggested that you hire CNA (certifiend nurse aid) as she will get sicker wtih AD.

CNA knows how to handle emergency (CPR and etc) and some have experiences in the nursing home and etc. Usually the home care company hires both CNAs and regular caregivers. Don't hire a very young ones (say, 19 or 20 years old) as they may not be as mature or ready to do this kind of work (e.g., they want to go back to school and may not pay attention.)

Nina

Q: Suggestions on transitioning to a third party care provider

Related Questions

Ask a Question