HOW CAN I KEEP MY MOTHER -IN-LAW INVOLVED IN THE HOUSEHOLD WITHOUT DESTROYING MY THINGS OR HURTING HERSELF. HER SENSE OF SELF WORTH DEPENDS ON THIS. SHE HAS MILD DEMENTIA, BUT IT IS PROGRESSING. IF I OFFER TO HAVE HER HELP OUT WITH CERTAIN THINGS, SHE BECOMES INDIGNANT. HOWEVER, SHE COMPLAINS SHE HAS NOTHING TO DO. SOME CHORES REQUIRE IMMEDIATE ATTENTION, AND SHE CANNOT BE INVOLVED IN THOSE, EVEN THOUGH SHE WANTS TO BE. MANY THINGS SHE DOES TO TRY TO HELP NEED TO BE REDONE OR SOMETIMES WILL DESTROY THINGS THAT WOULD BE DIFFICULT FOR ME TO REPLACE. IS THERE A HAPPY MEDIUM?
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Q: HOW TO INVOLVE LIVE-IN MOTHER WITH DEMENTIA IN FAMILY LIFE
Answers (1)
1/11/09 7:01pm
Hi, CYNN,
I know how difficult this is for you. My first suggestion to you is to remove all items from display that are breakable or precious to you. Your mother-in-law won't miss them (probably); if she does miss them, come up with a white lie to explain why the item has "disappeared." However, based on what you are telling me, there is a danger that she might accidently break something that you really value. So better safe than sorry!
I found that when trying to get my mother involved, I tended to be more successful when I "suggested" an idea (or even better, made her think it was her idea) as opposed to telling her she needed to do something. I'm not sure what approach you're taking in getting her involved, but if you can figure out how to come at the issue from another angle (like figuring out how to direct the conversation in order to get your mother-in-law to come up with the idea), you might get her buy-in to be involved.
Take care and keep us posted!
Dorian
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By CYNN— Last Modified: 12/26/10, First Published: 01/09/09
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