Hi Dan,  I think that the best way to help your wife feel better about this, would be to discuss the safety issues in depth.  Caregiving is a 24-hour job and no human being can provide 24-hour care for someone without help.  I don't have any details about the "home" that you mentioned, but generally skilled nursing is available and trained, experienced individuals will be overseeing your mother-in-law's care.  She will have access to 24 hour caregiving, toileting assistance, bathing help and nursing to provide medications and monitor her vital signs.  Quite often, there are CPR certified employees avaliable in the event of an emergency.  If an accident occurs, an emergency response will probably be faster getting to the "home" than it would your residential address.  In many ways, your mother-in-law will be safer and better cared for.  Remind your wife that she can visit her mom anytime and even take her places if she is well enough to go out.  Her mom will have extra help in the home too, if it's needed.

Have your wife meet the staff who will be taking care of her mom and get to know them well.  She'll feel better about the caregivers when she gets to know them better and learns their names.  Your wife should try to get acquainted with some of the other residents, too.  She'll eventually realize that mom is with good people who will take good care of her.  Have your wife visit her mom during meals, so that she can see the food quality and portion size, as well as meet her mom's table mates.  The guilt will fade when your wife realizes that her mom is getting professional care and that she can stay involved and oversee that entire process.  It's really the only sensible solution when a family can't handle it alone.  I hope that this is helpful!  Please let us know how it all works out!   Best Wishes,   --  Joe  --