How do you explain dementia to young children?
My mom has relatively quickly needed to go into a home and her confusion has increased quite quickly as well. My youngest who is only 5 and loves her dearly wants to know why she can't just get better and come to his special days at school (2 hours away!!) Why isn't my Gran like other kid's Grans? One of my other children finds it hard that I am so often having to deal with all the dramas that keep happening. We have had phone calls from the home when we have been at birthday parties and I have had to stop and deal with issues like my Dad checking her out, as she has convinced him she can leave. My little boy states "Gran keeps trying to escape" People smile when I say that. But to us this is just so awful. I don't know how to explain in a non frightening way to my kids. They love her to bits but this is changing things. Secondly the home is not such a nice place to take young kids, some of the residents are in a pretty bad way. Secondly my husband is soooooooooo over this! That sounds hard and it often makes me feel angry. But he has so often of late had to carry the load while I have travelled 2 hours away and stayed over night. He is then late to work, taking kids to school or home again and so forth. He sees me distracted with it all and feels it is affecting our young family...and it is. But she was always there for me, how can I not be there for her? Dementia is hard on families.
Help.
There are good books available to help young children (see http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/c/62/19106/books-deal ). but mainly they need to be reassured that Grandma is ill. She loves them as much as ever, even is she can't even recognize them now. The joking attitude of your son is his way of coping. I know it's hard on you, but just let it be if you can. Kids have their own "image" to keep up and he's trying to be "cool."
Your husband is burning out, too. Somewhere you have to draw some boundaries. It's horrible to have to choose. I made hard choices for two decades with seven elders and two kids, one with severe health issues. I didn't always choose right. What is right? You have to go with your gut and spread yourself around the best you can, but sometimes everyone loses something.
My heart goes out to you. You are coping with a lot.
, but mainly they need to be reassured that Grandma is ill. She loves them as much as ever, even is she can't even recognize them now. The joking attitude of your son is his way of coping. I know it's hard on you, but just let it be if you can. Kids have their own "image" to keep up and he's trying to be "cool."
Your husband is burning out, too. Somewhere you have to draw some boundaries. It's horrible to have to choose. I made hard choices for two decades with seven elders and two kids, one with severe health issues. I didn't always choose right. What is right? You have to go with your gut and spread yourself around the best you can, but sometimes everyone loses something.
My heart goes out to you. You are coping with a lot.
Carol
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Hi, Dizzy,
You also may be interested in one particular segment of the Alzheimer's Project documentaries that HBO recently aired. Maria Shriver hosted a documentary entitled "Grandpa, Do You Know How I Am?" You can watch this documentary on line at the following link:
http://www.hbo.com/alzheimers/grandpa-do-you-know-who-i-am.html
Take care and keep us posted!
Dorian
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