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There are good books available to help young children (see http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/c/62/19106/books-deal ). but mainly they need to be reassured that Grandma is ill. She loves them as much as ever, even is she can't even recognize them now. The joking attitude of your son is his way of coping. I know it's hard on you, but just let it be if you can. Kids have their own "image" to keep up and he's trying to be "cool."   Your husband is burning out, too. Somewhere you have to draw some boundaries. It's horrible to have to choose. I made hard choices for two decades with seven elders and two kids, one with severe health issues. I didn't always choose right. What is right? You have to go with your gut and spread yourself around the best you can, but sometimes everyone loses something.   My heart goes out to you. You are coping with a lot.  , but mainly they need to be reassured that Grandma is ill. She loves them as much as ever, even is she can't even recognize them now. The joking attitude of your son is his way of coping. I know it's hard on you, but just let it be if you can. Kids have their own "image" to keep up and he's trying to be "cool."   Your husband is burning out, too. Somewhere you have to draw some boundaries. It's horrible to have to choose. I made hard choices for two decades with seven elders and two kids, one with severe health issues. I didn't always choose right. What is right? You have to go with your gut and spread yourself around the best you can, but sometimes everyone loses something.   My heart goes out to you. You are coping with a lot. Carol