Thursday, February 19, 2009 prevention asks

Q: Man Patients who likes to touch the caregivers body parts even after telling him no several times .

Hello:

I work in an Alzheimer's Unit and there is a man who constantly touches my backside several times a shif(7+). I have asked him to stop and even gotten down to his level in the wheel chair held his hand and told him to stop. This does not help. When I give him a shower he does not try anything. But when he touches me I jump 10 feet in the air and I turn around and tell him to stop touching me. I come from a culture where men do not touch women and it is getting on my last nerve. I now have been suspended until an investigation is done because I yelled at him to stop. They said medication was tried on him but left him like a zombie, and they donot like that. So many girls have quit that the ratio is now 26 residents to 2 CNA's. on any shif. How to I get out of my dilemia. I have been a CNA for 17 years.

Misty

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Answers (2)

Carol Bradley Bursack, Health Guide

2/19/09 12:34pm

This is such a difficult topic. The men don't realize who you are or that they are being inappropriate. They also don't remember being scolded. However, that doesn't help hard working and caring people like you, who must put up with this.

Know that it happens in all nursing homes, and work with your supervisors on this. It is not your fault. However, in a way, it's not the man's fault either, as he most likely doesn't have impulse control.

Many caregiving wives even have problems in the their husband wants to have a sex, and then forgets and wants it again. Wives become exhausted and angry. It is no longer "making love," and they feel violated.

It's unfortunate that the sexual impulse doesn't die down earlier, once dementia is evident. However, for most men, it doesn't. And that leaves people like you with tough choices.

I hope your supervisors support you, and that some medication may help the man.

Take care,

Carol

2/19/09 4:16pm

Given your experiences, you know that male patient with severe dementia or Alzheimer's like to touch women given their loneliness or wish to be "contacted".

My caregiver for my father-in-law told me in some nursing home, the workers were told to ignore or move away the patient's hands or said no to the patients in order not to be touched inappropriately. She was referring to seriously sick patients, men and women. For those who are not as sick, it is tricky.

In my father-in-law's case, he has tried on many ladies who came to see him including caregivers. But they all told him no and he said sorry or let go. The funny thing is one of our caregivers is so young that she didn't mind his touch!! She still didn't get it and she said she just treated him like a grandfather. The trick is not to leave the clues so he thinks he can pick up on the girls. At this stage, it is tricky as he is not very very obvious and he can still take no as the answer. I heard that later on he would grope more without any reason. Sometimes I think the caregivers' supervisor considers the cognition level of the patient - if he can be dealt with by saying no, we cannot be very rude to him. But if he is unreasonable or violent later on, we would have to keep a distance or send him to a nursing home - now he has 24 hours home care in his house.

I don't know about your nursing home's rules. but you were right to say no to him. I hope your supervisor can understand your problem.

Regards,

Nina

Q: Man Patients who likes to touch the caregivers body parts even after telling him no several times .

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