She was very aware of her early symptoms and was very frightened when she was diagnosed. We have not discussed her diagnosis in several years she seems unaware that she has ALZ and is pretty happy and healthy otherwise. Some of our well meaning extended family feel that we need to remind Mom that she has ALZ. We are getting ready to introduce her to an adult day care facility and are not sure how to approach this with her. My father, brother and I (her closest caregivers) want to introduce the program as an opportunity to meet other seniors and give dad time to work around the house, those well meaning family members feel that we need to provide more details. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Q: Do we need to remind my mother that she has alzheimers?
Answers (6)
2/26/10 8:16am
Hi Gabbycam
I agree with Joseph and CJ. There is little to be gained by reminding her of her diagnosis. She is happy. Day care will provide her with an opportunity to socialize. It will help her maintain social skills. An excellent idea.
As you know it is so important that your father gets some 'me' time. I am so pleased that you are encouraging this. Your support is invaluable. Well done!
Christine
2/26/10 12:48am
Gabbycam, At some level your mother has knowledge of her Alzheimer's disease. If she is happy and healthy otherwise, little can be gained from stirring up those old fears. She's gone through the contemplation and worry long ago. I've noticed that many assisted living residents have confusion and memory loss in their daily lives. Despite that diminished function, they go about their lives and adapt to the people and situations around them that develop every day. Would these people function better if they were reminded that they have some form of dementia? The answer is clearly, no. They realize that they are having trouble and just want to fit in. They would prefer that their problems go unnoticed. Denial is harmless and they will find other people to socialize with who don't have unreasonable expectations. Reminding a blind person that she can't see or an amputee that he can't walk are good examples of the futility of such suggestions. Feel free to use these examples if you need to help the "well meaning" to understand. Best Wishes, -- Joe
2/26/10 7:12am
Hello. What a loving caregiver you are to have this question and to want to handle the situation with thoughtfulness toward your mother's self-respect. I think I agree with you and with Joseph that it's unnecessary to remind her that she has alzheimer's. It sounds like you are among her closest caregivers, and your hunches and judgments ought to count for more than outsiders' views. Being sensitive to your mother's emotional needs is very important. Saying to her that she is going to meet some new friends, have some new activities, and see a bit of the world outside her home while your father takes care of some household duties -- this sounds like a really good way to go. We have not been able to persuade my mother to go out for activities and events, but if you can manage that, it will give everyone a bit of freedom to recuperate physically and emotionally. Very best wishes to you and your family.
2/28/10 9:15pm
Thank you everyone for your replies- what a wonderful community this is. We live in NH and have been without power due to wind storms for 3 days. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I had received one response when we finally got our power back and was amazed to see so many thoughtful caring responses when I logged in.
Adapting to my mother's AD has been difficult for my Dad my brother and I, and getting through it together is a blessing. We are all on the same page with her care and and we all feel that we are doing the best we can.
All of your responses reinforced that our approach is the right one for our family.
Thank you again.
Kerry
I will be bringing my mother to the day program this week -
2/26/10 10:52am
Hi Gabbycam,
I don't think it helps to remind her about her AD. What would that do? She is still going to have to forget about many things gradually. At early stage, this may work for planning, but later when she is sicker, she won't remember she has dementia or anything. What is the point later on to remind her?
My FIL has never admiited that he has AD. Never. He studied Alzheimer's and brain sometimes as a professor in the past. He said he would know. But he had no way to know as he was in it. One time in 2004 he knew about it and wanted to go to a nursing home, but as times went on, he has refused to go to a nursing home. He is now more afraid of hospital or nursing home.
Yet, he has never admiitted. One time he read some sentences the nurse wrote about how to take care of Alzheimer's patient, he thought it was about him (it is about him) and said it is ridiculous and absurd and he is not such patient!
He does know something is wrong with his brain as he is losing memory. But we cannot tell him he has dementia anymore. He will either get mad or ignore us completely.
If you need to plan for anything, getting the guardianship is the easiest way.
Leave her alone and make sure she is comfortable. Sometimes the family may want to know how she reacts. Well, it is not possible anymore for elders with AD in moderate stage to realize that and react properly the "normal" way.
Take care,
Nina
2/28/10 11:46am
Hi, Gabbycam,
I agree with everyone else's comments above. I found that in my mom's case, I could tell her that she was suffering memory loss (instead of mentioning Alzheimer's, which she was extremely afraid of) when she expressed confusion aout what was happening to her. She knew that she was having memory loss and would agree, so this might be an option at some point if she becomes confused about choices that you are making for her.
Take care and keep doing a great job!
Dorian
3/ 1/10 8:04am
Gabbycam, you are very wise. I agree with Joe and his complete reply to you.
Take care and please keep checking in.
Carol
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By Gabbycam— Last Modified: 12/25/10, First Published: 02/25/10
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Thank you Christine - we are hoping to try my mother in the adult day program this week - She was a teacher for years and has always loved the social interaction, so we are hoping for the best. My father definitely needs the break. I have come to the conclusion that so far - my father has endured the most from this difficult disease. He has never been the primary cook or housekeeper and if it weren't so sad it would be funny. But most of all it hurts to watch him lose his best friend, whose spirit and intellect he so admires.