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My mother is 87 and I tried to have her live with me and I even left my husband for 8 weeks to live with her and it just did not work out.  I even hired a caregiver to help and that lasted about 6 months.  My mother would have times that she was so mean (verbally )that you could only take so much.  We  are in the process of moving her to assistant living where she has her own 1 bedroom apartment. It is a locked in environment but has a small kitchen(no stove) livingroom, bath etc.  They help her with her meds, bathing etc.  The lady that lives next to her takes care of her own bath, meds etc.  The cost is based on how much care is needed.  I know that this is going to cost us less that we are paying at the nursing home that she is now in. When my mother has her right mind she also says that she does not want to live with us nor be a burden.  I hope this works out.  I hope I have been of some help at least you  know that there are alot of us having to make the same decisions. Lesa