Hello. I've been thinking about your post a lot. It's hard for people to visit, I think, when then can't anticipate what the outcome of their visit will be. This, I believe, is partly the issue I face with my mother, anyway.
In the situation you are in with the two brothers, it could be that the one who used to help with the household chores feels very awkward coming over and not helping. But he probably doesn't want to have to help out any longer. Or maybe he just can't help out and then drive the distance back home with confidence. And so he stays away.
As for the other one, who knows what could be keeping him away. Some people don't handle difficulty well.
It could be the brothers fear that they might develop alzheimer's, and seeing their brother who has alzheimer's makes them worry about themselves. It could be they worry they might cry about the situation in front of their brother. It could also be that they just want to live their own lives, or what's left of their lives, without living in the grief that can come when they see their brother in a deteriorating situation.
I have had an interesting time of it with my sisters and my mother. The two oldest sisters (12 and 14 years older than I) have been coming with some degree of regularity. They live 3 and 7 hours' drive away (respectively)! They stay overnight, either here or at a motel nearby. The other sister, who lives only an hour away from me, has not been coming to see our mother, almost at all, by comparison. I don't know if she thinks that if she avoids seeing our mother, then our mother might not really be in difficulty or what - but she *has* been avoiding seeing our mother, for whatever reason. When she is here, it seems as if she wants my mother to be the way our mother was. It's hard for her to deal with my mother on my mother's terms, being attentive to her needs and wishes. I tell my sisters to come when they can and as often as they can.
So I do see a difference in the way my sisters are handling this news about our mother, and I try to see the situation from their vantage point, most of the time. But as the one who is here being present for our mother all the time, I do find sometimes that I wish they could understand how hard it is for our mother to try to cope, to fill in the gaps, and so forth. I feel that our mother is being quite brave as she faces this new adventure in her life.
It's hard to see a loved one in difficulty. Maybe that is why the brothers don't come over.
Have you tried having a private talk with them about their absences, just to see if they'd open up with you about it?
I hope they come by soon. What a loving wife you are, trying to figure out how to make your husband's life better.