Hello.  I've been thinking and thinking about your message.  My mother lives in my home.  She is entering stage 5 of Alzheimer's.  My husband and I are taking care of her needs.  My sisters sometimes come in to stay here when I am away on work business.  (I work full-time, so my mother is, during most daytimes, tended to by my husband.)

My mother can get agitated if she has not been told about what is going on in the house, especially about where I am.  When she doesn't know where I am, she sometimes makes up stories about where I might be.  Would she like to speak with me by phone when I am out of the house?  Yes.  She gets upset - doesn't sleep well in advance of my leaving nor while I'm away - when I am away for work-related business. 

Knowing all of this, I have to plan on speaking with her, about once per day, when I am away. I just call in and ask her what she is doing.  Would I like not to do this?  Sometimes.  But knowing that she can get upset or not sleep well, I imagine it's easier for my sisters and my mother if I call in, when I can, just to check in with her. She obsesses about keeping her cell phone with her at all times, in case someone might call her.

I think the others have given good suggestions: next time, in advance, if you don't want to be interrupted, instruct the care facility about this and make sure they have a note about this in your file.  You do deserve a rest.  I find I sleep ever so much better and wake up feeling so refreshed when I am away from home, even though I'm away on work-related business!  So I know what you mean about a rest. And if you are seeking real respite from constant caregiving, then you deserve that respite. If they are a care facility, whatever your husband is doing is likely something they have seen before . . . . 

Speaking from my experience with my own mother (which is, of course, different from speaking about a husband), I don't think I'd want *not* to be called if my mother were raising a fuss.  Sometimes just a tiny bit of reassurance from the prime caregiver is all it takes to resolve some momentary emotional chaos.  I'd rather she were at peace, since she's more easy to be around, then.  She is never physical with us, but I can tell when she is confused.  My sisters, not being around her so often, don't always know what the signs are. 

Each one of us needs to make the decision that works for us.  I'm sorry you are facing this with your husband.  You are a very, very loving person to be there for him. 

Best wishes,

CJ