can I talk to other caregivers about my problems

Absolutely! While professionals in the field are invaluable for many issues, when it comes to how a caregiver really feels, it's caregivers who know. You are still a caregiver, even though your mother is in a nursing home. You need to drop the guilt - for her and for you. You are a caregiver, only now you have more help.

There comes a time for most of us when we can't do the caregiving 24-hours around-the-clock. It's not safe for the care recipient and it's not healthy for the caregiver. You are important to your mother now, just as before. She will look forward to your visits. You will be her advocate. Make friends with the staff. Visit at different times of day, so that you have a feel for overall care. If you see problems, try to work them out nicely with the staff, if possible. Bring your mom treats she likes, if she can have them. Mostly, just let her know you are there for her and you are watching over her.

Keep coming back here for more support. There's an isolation in caregiving, and many of us live with unearned guilt. We look forward to hearing from you.

Carol

Hi, Linda. Guilt is one of those emotions in the range of emotions that Caregivers like you, and me, and other experience. I manage a private caregivers support group online if you are interested in checking it out and joining, feel free to e-mail me at bigsur_1999@yahoo.com. I care for my Mom in my own home and the role of home-based caregiving is much different than when one cares for a parent in a nursing home. I would say that one role in the nursing home caregiving scenario has to be one of patient advocacy and watchdog. Show up at any time, and change the times and days you show up to check on your Mom. If you do, you will know how well she is managed by the staff. Another "role" for someone with Alzheimer's is to be in tune with where your Mom may be mentally at any given point since there will be good days and bad days in terms of being able to communicate with her based on the progression of her disease and current stages. Don't be so hard on yourself by wondering whether you are fulfilling your role "properly." Follow your heart. You are human, and it is your Mom, and it is a painful, confusing and sometimes frightening experience. Don't add hard and fast rules on top of all that. Keep your life simple to the extent possible. Would welcome you in my Caregivers Voices group if you need a place to share with others who will not judge you and will understand. Do remember to make time for yourself, ok? Promise?