In general, how long before I can see my husband in AD facility?

You need to talk to your doctor about this. You are depressed, so that is an important factor. But, stress to your doctor that you will have other depression problems if you don't get to see him.

I'd have your doctor talk with the staff at the home, but I can't imagine your not being able to see him, unless it's for your own sake. You should try to have a family member or good friend with you when you go the first time. Get support for this, as there may be quite a change.

Bessings,

Carol

You need to talk to your doctor about this. You are depressed, so that is an important factor. But, stress to your doctor that you will have other depression problems if you don't get to see him.

I'd have your doctor talk with the staff at the home, but I can't imagine your not being able to see him, unless it's for your own sake. You should try to have a family member or good friend with you when you go the first time. Get support for this, as there may be quite a change.

Bessings,

Carol

Hi, Elizabeth,

I agree with Carol that you should visit with his doctor. We had a similar experience in that the nursing home staff did not want my father to visit Mom for a protracted period of time when she was first admitted to the nursing home. The reasoning was that Mom -- who was strong-willed, angry, and determined to get out (like your husband) -- had developed an extremely strong anger at Dad, fueled by the Alzheimer's and paranoia. Dad's presence tended to cause an emotional outburst/reaction from her. Fortunately for us, Dad had to return to the city where my folks had lived (which was about 7 hours away from where I live and where Mom's nursing home was) in order to pack up their belongings and then sell their house. So when he returned to visit a few months later (and eventually moved into the area a year later), Mom had "forgotten" most of the bad times and they were able to return to having pleasant visits.

So check with doctor and hang in there! Take care!

Dorian

Thank you for your advice and experience. I appreciate it so much.

I went to see my husband last night with a friend. The staff knew that I was coming.

He was happy to see us. It's been 2 months since they took him away.

I was shocked at how he appeared to have deteriorated. He used to walk like a 40 year old. He was shuffling and couldn't follow a conversation very long. Then again he asked good questions about our business and had appropriate responses. He is a typical AD. We think it's frontal lobe. Also has vascular dementia.

 He had all his furniture piled up against 1 wall in his room. Even his TV stand and his TV was on the floor.He had his stuff all out of the drawers in little boxes. He talked about getting out and going home, but was easily distracted. His room looked like a store room, it was sad.

I had asked for them to put him on the generic Xanax a few weeks ago on a regularly scheduled dose.when he was casuing such a ruckus to get out.

I never knew that they did, until I called and spoke with a staff member and told them he seemed so drugged when I saw him. Besides the Zyprexa ( anti psychotic) 2X daily, he is getting the generic Xanax at the same time as well as Namenda and Aricept and anti depressant. Not sure when he lets the last 3 meds.

I called Nurse and asked to have him taken off PM dose of Xanax for a few days or weeks and see how he's doing and have it available on an as needed basis.

He is more agitated in AM's.

He didn't insist on leaving with us.

Of course I cried all the way home, last night and today. Had DR's appt to get fmla papers filled out for myself for depression and back pain. I had to go see him for myself. My Dr said the depression takes time to go away as it didn't happen over night.

I had years of verbal abuse and hiding in my bedroom. It's starnge. If someone had told me in January that I would have permanent guardianship, and he would be placed in assisted living in February, I would have been relieved to be out from under his anger and constant picking at me.