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Hi, Elizabeth,   I'm so thankful that you had the opportunity to visit with your husband. And I do know what a shock it was. I was able to see Mom in the days after she was placed in the nursing home, and did see her deteriorate rather rapidly, especially in her ability to walk and to use the restroom herself.   I agree with Carol that you need to take time out for yourself now. My dad also went verbal abuse from Mom, and really had to take some time get over it. He would go out with friends for lunch or dinner, or a friend would come over and visit him. (At that point, he was living in the city where my parents' home was, so he was 7-hours away and couldn't visit Mom on a regular basis, which helped him relieve some of the strain he had been under.) You might try to go visit your husband a few times each week, but also make time to take care of yourself. Find time to exercise (which tends to help with depression). Prepare and eat healthy meals. Find a friend and do something fun. Go for a weekend to a bed and breakfast in a beautiful area of your state.   This time will be well-spent not only on you, but also eventually on your husband. I learned that caregiving didn't end when the loved one enters a care facility; instead, these responsibilities morph into an advocate role for the loved one. And to do that well and to be there for Mom when needed, I found I had to place my own self-care higher than it had been previously.   Again, take care and keep us posted!   Dorian