My stepmother cries nonstop
She cries 24/7 that is unless she is sleeping. She knows she is terribly sick and is very scared. She is on Lexapro 20mg and Xanax. (besides the nemenda and aricept) are these the right meds? What can we do. It is nerve wracking and horrible to watch. Caregivers are too expensive and so is a real facility. Even the adult daycare cannot handle her crying bouts. What can we do? She is 63 and my father is 81. He does most of the caregiving and is basically falling apart physically as well as emotionally. We are both at our wits end and don't know what to do to help her feel better. Any suggestions? We are getting no answers out here in the Coachella valley. No one seems to know much or even care and at $250 for in home day care, we cannot afford that nor a facility at $4000 a month, yet there is too much for MediCal to kick in as my dad owns the house that I live in and they say they go back two years. I am taking my own drugs on a regular basis just to deal with the situation. HELLLLLLP!!!!! Where can we get help? Even the Alzheimer's chapter out here is of little help.
I am sorry she cries like that. Did you talk to her doctor about her situation? You may want to talk to a neurologist or psychiatrist who can better assess this situation and give her the right medications. Also, depending on her stage, namenda and aricept may not help in later stage.
Could you consider assisted living for Alzheimer's patients? Maybe some assisted living for both she and your Dad is a good idea. They may not be very expensive - your Dad may consider selling the house and etc. Part-time caregiver may help and they are not too expensive if it is just part-time. Home health care is covered by medicare, so someone can come once in a while to bathe her or comfort her.
I don't know what you can do if no medications or distraction can help her. You may need to think about assisted living - the trick is to sell the house if he does not have enough money.
Hope she will get better.
Take care,
Nina
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Hi Deena, You are definitely in a rough situation and I'm very sorry to hear that financial matters have to complicate things further for you and your family. A Geropsychiatric hospitalization may be helpful to resolve your stepmother's depression and constant crying. A local hospital emergency room may be a good place to consult and many towns have a 24 hour consulting nurse telephone service that can possibly direct you to some good local resources. An emergency room doctor may authorize the geropsychiatric evaluation, with the goal being to find a medication or combination of drugs that will help to resolve the emotional reaction that your stepmother is presenting.
If the financial resource limits continue to be an obstacle, investigate a reverse mortgage that will allow dad to keep his home and free up some cash resources to provide more financial muscle to obtain professional care. It is very expensive at $4,000 per month and will rapidly spend down the equity in the home. Get some professional advice from a real estate and/or mortgage expert before going beyond the investigative stage on this suggestion. Proceed cautiously in any decision making regarding the family home.
I wish you well as you go forward to tackle this problem. Please let us know how things work out for you. -- Joe
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Reverse mortgage is an option. I have looked into it for my FIL. The thing is they won't give you the total amount of the market value and they only "loan" you port of it. e.g., out of 800,000, they only loan you 300,000 or less. There is a website that can do the calculation for you - please google for it. The other minus thing is you need to sell it ASAP after the owner who gets the reverse mortgage (your Dad) moves out of the house. To complicate it further, revsere mortgage is for the owner himself strictly speaking. I am not sure how it applies to his wife although the money will help but what about him? You need to worry about him. Also, with reverse mortgage, you can either hire caregiver or you or your Dad needs to care for her personally. I suspect you need to hire someone with that sort of money. Know that reverse mortgage is for staying in the house - the money is not for the owner to move out, but it is useful for his wife.
Just my 2 cents,
Nina
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