It is not uncommon for facilities to make this kind of request. Although adjustment processes can occur for all individuals, those living with Alzheimer’s disease have it that much harder. A transition to a foreign environment will often increase symptoms of confusion and disorientation. This is because individuals cannot understand where they are, how they got there, or why they need to stay. Many will try to leave the facility or search endlessly for “home." Even if a full explanation is offered, individuals with this illness cannot retain the information or accept the fact that they are in their new home. This change to different surroundings can be troublesome, and sometimes traumatic. 
 
When a confused individual sees a familiar face too soon, although it may yield temporary comfort, it could also delay the process of adjustment. In other words, if your mother-in-law sees the family, she might react in such a manner that will make her yearn for home even more, or make the family feel so guilty that they will pull her out right away. This can be harmful and counterintuitive for her adjustment. Your mother-in-law is in a very fragile state, and needs to get accustomed to the idea of relying on other people to meet her needs, such as staff members and peers. If your mother’s needs are being filled by her own family, she will not be able to transition easily into the new board home, and this will only be towards her detriment.
 
It is advisable to speak to the facility about their visiting policies at this time. Ask about the possibility of letters and phone calls, for at least the initial period. When your mother-in-law fully adjusts to the facility, she will be able to benefit more from longer visits.

Carol Bradley Bursack, Health Guide

7/16/10 12:16pm

Thanks for this input. I can see there is wisdom in this approach. I've never run into it personally, so I couldn't say whether that approach is used in my community or not. Possibly, in some cases, it is. I've heard this question from other family caregivers, so apparently the approach is not unique in this case.

 

With my dad's dementia (not AD), I wouldn't have dreamed of not being with him every step of the way. His fear of abandonment was too great. But, again, he did not have AD. His dementia came on abruptly after brain surgery.

 

I believe every case is different and the advice to talk with administrators about the policy is well founded. Perhaps a letter the person could keep would help the feeling of abandonment. Also, the family may feel better if they enquire about the policies of other area homes with good reputations.

 

This is certainly a tough issue. I would have had a great deal of trouble had I been told to just leave an elder at the home, though knowing the home staff well would have helped, if they had advised me to do so. If I didn't know the home well and have many recommendations from families, I would be leery of this approach. I'm not saying I'm right - I'm a family caregiver, not a licensed professional. Certainly there are pros and cons on both sides.

Carol