Tuesday, September 30, 2008 NC asks

Q: Nusing home or Home care

We are really in need of help now. The money is dropping in the market. The stock is bad as there is no bailout yet. Something has to be done by the government. In the mean time, investment for seniors like my FIL is on hold and not making more.

My FIL is still ok at home with 24 hours home care.

It is so expensive! More than the fees for a high-end nursing home now. He cannot be alone. We cannot be wtih him all the time and we live out of town.

We really need to send him to a nursing home. But the home care boss said he cannot interact with the strangers effectively in the nursing home. We plan to see if we can take one caregiver that he likes with him. But I know some home does not take caregivers as they have their own in their floor for moderately severe patients with Alzheimer's. They keep them safe in the floor without going into the elevator with a bracelet.

How can we send him to a home with his approval? Does not seem like it. We can tell him we have to save money as he wishes. But we cannot be there to help him and save money. How can we tell him we cannot be there personally and that we have to send him to a home?

The home care boss said we can wait until he becomes combative. When the caregivers cannot do it anymore, then he can go to a home. But it may take 6 months to 2 years!!

We really should send him to a home in 2009.... It is bad to wish he gets worse so he can go to a home....

What can we do to make this easier? We need to watch out for his money and home care does not save this money at all. He can live like this in 5 years but it is just too expensive and does not make sense.

For his quality of life, we seem to have to keep him at home.

Is there any other way to have quality of life for him??

We really need help!

Nina

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Answers (3)

Dorian Martin, Health Guide

10/ 1/08 7:53pm

Hi, Nina,

That's a rough situation you are describing. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.

As far as the financial piece, you might wait a week to see if the bailout comes about and calms the market.

But the bigger issue that you mention is when and how to move your father in law. Unfortunately, he may not be happy with this move, but it sounds like his physical condition (and potentially his financial condition) will be better by the move. I would suggest that once the adjustment period is completed, he'll be fine. In fact, at some point, his memory of his home will fade and the nursing home will become his home (although he may periodically mention "going home"). So it's a matter of getting past the initial period of shock and then letting him settle in.

And the challenge (at least as I understand it) is if you wait until he becomes combative, the nursing home may not take him. I know that my mom at one point was having a "stand-off" where she hit another resident. I was on pins and needles that the nursing home would evict her (as they had mentioned in the entrance meeting that Dad and I had with the admissions director). However, the nurses and the aides by that time had learned how to deal with her outbursts and how to distract her effectively. Thus, I'd suggest that the earlier that you can get him in when he is not combative, the better for everyone.

So figure out first of all what financially can be afforded, and then what environment (home or nursing home) will be best for him before he becomes combative (if he becomes combative). And then begin taking those steps. You'll be making the best decision for your father-in-law.

Take care and keep us posted!

Dorian

Sarah Wampler

10/ 2/08 9:53am

Nina, I have my mother in a home that is paid for and that was my home before meeting my second husband. I now live in a home three minutes from her and have caregivers around the clock with her. They are all experienced with NH and CNA. I private pay and really would like to have another person to live with her and pay at leat $2,000. a month for me to break even with the caregivers. I do not want my mom in the NH yet. She calls for me all day. I would spend all my time in the NH.

I live in Rock Hill, SC, so if you have suggestions, also let me know. This is much better than spedning all theri money in the nursing home at about 4-$5,000 a month. Plus they have one on one caregivers. I have three bedrooms and a very nice yard.

I would like to find a very congenial and loving and kind person, lady, to share this home with her. She willl have 24 hour care.

It has to be a Christain person also.

Sincerely Sarah

victoria

10/ 2/08 10:30am

Have you tried contacting Senoir Services in your area? There are organizations called "Respit" they have qualified caregivers that can come to your home(4 hours minimum), it is all by donations, so nothing is coming out of your pocket except what you would like to give. They also can reccomend a care giver on a more full time basis, that you would have to pay for, but there are so many that are very resonable it would be a shame not to check it out.

I am not likeing the attitude of the nursing home staff that tells you to "wait until he gets to be combative?" Why would your Father have to get to that stage to be admitted? Wrong place for him! I don't know what state you live in, or what sort of medication he is on, but it almost seems as if he should be re-evaluated as far as meds.

You don't say if he is a wonderer, drives, how old. This all plays into this. Can he function on his own, can he get a Senoir Service facilitie that has activities all day to join, and then the bus drops him home?

All is not lost, check these things out in his community, you might be surprised. And rethink that nursing home!!!!! They are not about the person, they are about the money!

Q: Nusing home or Home care

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