Ask about going to a nursing home
We are still at square one. Ok, my FIL has had this expensive home care and it is getting more expensive this time of the year as he got 4 CNAs now coming to his house in 24 hours. The thing is the home care agency is so bossy and told us not to go to a nursing home or he would get worse. the thing is, who has the money to spend like that!! We need to save the investments as much as we can and my FIL is stingy too.
My husband is the problem somewhat. He is not willing to discuss or tell him about the whole thing. He really should have discussed with his Dad about the situation. Not completely as his Dad is incompetent, but at least he could ask what his Dad thinks about nursng home. Maybe nursing home is like a hospital and scare his Dad.... He likes to live with us but it will never happen. We can only move him to a nursing home that is close to us (one or 2 hours close in NY or VT.) Now he is in Chicago and we only visit him when we have time off. My husband, as a professor, has time for summer and winter vacation. But we would like him to go to a nursing home closer to us so we can see him every weekend or even everyday if it is necessary.
Does it work to talk to my FIL who has moderate AD? Maybe he would not understand. My husband plans to just tell him he is going to a better place. Well, how does this simple method work! Looks like my FIL will continue to use the expensive home care until he will have to go to a home one day. It is up to my husband.
But really, do you think we could at least mention it to my FIL and see how he thinks? We were told my FIL should have involved for the decision making. He forgets things yestedays and etc. So he has no way to remember but I just need to get the idea what he would like.
Nina
Hi Nina,
My thoughts are that you could combine the approach. Maybe avoid the words "nursing home" as your FIL is of an era where he will immediately think it's a bad place. Any move would disorient him, but it will come eventually, anyway. If your husband can talk to him about a place where he'll get better care, but still be able to make friends, and call the home by name (hopefully, it's a good name and not too medical), or call it a new apartment with lots of care, it may help. Talk up a move with attention to friends and more choices.
The in-home people don't want to lose such a customer, so their opinion is not valid. They are making a lot of money here, so of course they want it to continue.
The money is to care for your FIL and the best care is what is important. But he will likely get so he needs a nursing home, unless he can afford to keep 24-hour in-home care forever, and it doesn't sound like you are too happy with the agency, anyway.
Good luck, Nina. You've done good things all the way along. Keep us posted
Carol
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