Just need to know, explain my mothers disease

Lesa, you aren't alone at all. Everyone told me six months ago when my Mom was wanting to go home, looking for my Dad all the time, packing and unpacking, anxious and depressed that this was the hardest time we would experience through this devastating disease.  So far that is not the case, at least in my Mom's situation.  My Mom is further progressed now and most of the time she no longer "connects the dots" at all and needs assistance with everything but she continues to be anxious, upset, angry, scared and generally miserable.  We do have some good days but they are few and far between. 

This disease is brutal in my opinion.  Not only has it taken away the Mother I have always known but it has damaged and/or destroyed almost all of my family relationships, it has caused so much stress for me personally that I never feel well anymore.  I keep taking all of the medications my doctor prescribes and continue doing what I have to in order to help my Mom but most of the time I am totally exhausted and sad. 

We need one another to get through all of this.  Sometimes I get angry or jealous when others tell me how wonderful their parent who is 80 something is doing.  Sometimes I just keep wondering why did this happen to my Mom.  Sometimes I just pray for stength and guidance.  Sometimes I just go to bed and cry and hope for a better day tomorrow. 

I'm always here and believe me I understand completely how you feel. 

Jan

my soon to be mother inlaw was the same as your mother is it got really bad cause she would not eat are drink anything at all and it was getting really hard on me cause i take care of her while your son is at work and i have ms fibromyalgia to  and we had nures come out and check on her will one day me my b/f and the doctor said it would be best to but her in a shot team behavioral program so they could see how she was acting and see about her meds will she was in there for 3 weeks and now we got her at home and she is doing alot better then she was  maybe this would be something you and your bother should think about

Anna

Hi, LMyers,

In my experience, dementia does not follow a linear path of decline. And the progression is different in everyone. My mom early on would be very "with it" one day, then seem to lapse the next day, and then be close to normal the third.

As for the placement, I think you are doing the right thing. My mom also wanted to come home when she was first placed. She'd ask me why she was living in the facility. I'd hold her hand and say, "Mom, do you realize that I come and visit you every day?" She would reply, "You do?" I'd answer "yes," and then proceed to tell her where we generally sat, who we would sit near, and what we would talk about. I'd get one of the facility staff to listen in and tell Mom that this was true (which it was). Mom would look surprised and say, "My memory isn't as good as I thought it was." And I'd have to repeat this same conversation for several days straight when I visited.

The realization that I came to following Mom's placement is that my caregiving duties didn't end; they just changed. I didn't have to deal with the day-to-day issues with Mom. However, my role switched to being an advocate for her with the nursing home. And I realized that as much as I wanted her home, she was much better off with the care she got in the nursing home. I realized that Mom's health, due to both Alzheimer's and Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, wasn't going to get better. She was increasingly going to face complex medical issues and I wanted to make sure that she was residing in the best place for her. It was hard to come to peace with that realization, though.

In hindsight, I also now know that I wouldn't have been able to keep my own life afloat financially, emotionally, and physically if Mom was living with me as her health declined, even with the help of full-time caregivers. And I know that Mom, prior to Alzheimer's, would never have wanted that for me.

Take care and keep us posted!

Dorian