Saturday, August 15, 2009 Victoria asks

Q: What to do while visiting father in assisted living home

My father is in stage 6. My husband and I moved 2 blocks from my parents to help my mom and to see dad as much as possible. My mom finally came to reason when she put my dad in a home. Now she's seeking help because she realizes she can't care for anymore. The home is around a mile away and is convnient for us.

But what are some key things we can do with him while we visit besides all of us staring at the wall?

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Answers (2)

Dorian Martin, Health Guide

8/15/09 7:23am

Hi, Victoria,

First of all, I want to commend you and your husband for moving closer to your parents in order to help. That's a tremendous uprooting of your own lives. I know your parents are both appreciative of what you've done.

As far as your question, here are some suggestions that have worked for me or my friends:

- Become a storyteller. I found that as Mom's Alzheimer's became worse, the burden of conversation fell increasingly on me. So I learned how to take the lead in the discussion. I wrote about this at http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/c/42/1747/art-storytelling/.

- Bring treats. Does your father have a particular treat he likes and can still eat? In my mom's case, it was sweets. Each time we'd meet, I'd bring a bag of cookies which she always enjoyed while we sat together. When she began to have swallowing problems, I switched to periodically bringing a fruit smoothie.

- Take photo albums of family trips or other events in with you to share with your father. This may keep his interest and also serve as prompts for your ventures into storytelling.

- Watch an old show on television together. Pick something light that he will remember, such as The Andy Griffith Show.

- Take some music and have a sing-along (or listen-along, if singing isn't your strong suit). Select music by someone he loved to listen to when he was young (Perry Como? Frank Sinatra?)

- Go to different places in the facility to visit. Is there an outdoor area where you can sit? I'd take Mom there periodically so she could enjoy the fresh air, watch the birds fly around and see the flowers. (I would have taken her outside more often, but she had allergies that would flare up. In addition, she had lung disease and couldn't breathe well if it was too hot outside.)

Hope this list helps. I'll keep thinking!

Take care and keep us posted!

Dorian

AFA Social Services, Health Guide

8/18/09 8:52am

Engagement in the form of activities is indeed vital to individuals with dementia, and I commend your efforts in trying to find the right kind of activity for your father. Fun, motivating activities can lend to a wealth of life quality, and add a glimmer of hope to an often challenging illness. To find an appropriate and individualized activity for your father, it is important to explore who he really is, deep down, and find those things that inspire him and invoke joy. This is different for everyone, considering that people can change with time as a result of this disease, and things that were been pleasurable in the past may not yield a response any longer. However, here is a good starting point: think about what your father used to enjoy – things that kept him going and had meaning for him. Was he a carpenter who loved to spend days working on the house? Did he enjoy cooking for the family? Or flying remote-control airplanes with the kids? Did he ever like to sing or dance? Use these interests as a guideline, but try simplifying them such that he can comprehend t he task without being overwhelmed by the challenge of completing it. In other words, if he was a builder, create an activity that will allow him to “build” something – such as popsicle stick house or a stack of dominos. Children’s toys are often a very good choice, as they are lightweight, safe, and come in a variety of bright stimulating colors. If this is too difficult for him, offer tasks where the final goal is not creation, but participation. For example, many people loved to garden in their past. Rather than trying to get him to grow anything, simply offer him a dish of dirt to work his hands through, or flowers to see, touch, and smell. This will stimulate his senses and may even connect him with the memories he once had years ago. You can also use this time to reminisce – or reflect on the past – which can also jog those happy memories. Be prepared with stories of how he had the best lawn on the block, and connect that with other tales that remind him of how important and valued he is.

Q: What to do while visiting father in assisted living home

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