The life tasks of the elderly are different. Erikson called this later stage Integrity vs Despair. During this stage the elderly are re-evaluating the lives they have lived. Reminiscing is one of the tasks that goes along with this re-evaluation. It is part of building a legacy.
To have a successful communication with your elderly relatives—meaning they will truly hear what you have to say—you can’t see their particular developmental task as unimportant. You need to be patient and allow them to engage in this necessary step.
- Once the conversation gets going--listen
If you hear yourself doing all the talking you are lecturing, not having a conversation. (Remember how you hated it when your parent or teacher did that to you? Remember the resentment you felt and the determination NOT to do what the person said?) It will be no different with you elderly relative. You must be prepared to really listen to what the other side of the conversation is saying even if it is not what you want to hear.
If both sides are expressing their view then compromises and plans that suit both parties can be made. Respect the other sides’ right to disagree with you.
- 10. Practice
If you have never discussed a difficult topic with your parents then you may need to practice. Let some other objective person role play with you. It is so easy to dip into past history and to bring up old unresolved issues that have nothing to do with the issue at hand. An objective person can remind you when you’re headed in the wrong direction and guide you back to your objective.
References:
Wigmore, B.(2008, October). Talking to old people like children cuts eight years off their lives, says Yale Study. Mail Online. Retrieved October 22, 2008 from http://www.dailymail.com/health.
Friedland, R. (2008). Elderly parents and future care wishes: How to talk about end of life. Care.com. Retrieved October 22, 2008 from http://www.care.com/seniorcare.
Edinberg, M. (2008). The Do’s And Don’ts of Communicating with Aging Parents. ElderCare. Retrieved October 22, 2008 from http://www.myseniorsite.ca/eldercare.
