If your mom and dad can handle it, take them with you as you look at facilities. It is likely your mom will eventually need to go to one. Look for one with a memory unit, specifically designed for dementia patients. Memory units are becoming very common in good nursing facilities.
In-home help should be looked at, for the short-term. Your dad can’t be awake 24-hours-a-day. Your mom is already showing signs of wandering. For your mom’s safety, the time will soon come, if your mom remains at home, where you will need to hire someone to come in to help. For all types of care, ask for references and check them.
7. As the truth settles in, you will want to bring others on board.
As the truth of the diagnosis settles in, you all need to talk – your mom, your dad, siblings – everyone in the family. You will all be affected. Your parents may want to keep it a secret – to not “worry” others. That is unfair, even though they don’t mean it to be. Your siblings need time to adjust and time to mend fences or help out or whatever it is that your family health requires. Close friends will want to help and have a right to be offered the chance. No one can fix this, but the love and help of good friends can make a huge difference to your parents and to you.
8. Remember that the whole family is going through grief and loss.
The grief begins when you hear the dreaded diagnosis. It will never truly end. Your relationship with you mom, your dad - even your spouse and kids – will change during this time. Treat yourself and your family as grieving people throughout the whole process. Because you are. Grief doesn’t start at death. It begins with loss. And Alzheimer’s disease thrusts upon a family one of the biggest losses in human experience.
Be sure to explain to children and teenagers that Grandma loves them just as much as she always did, and that her new behavior is beyond her control. Her body has betrayed her. Help them keep their good memories alive throughout this period, so that they don’t only have memories of a demented grandma. And tell them how much their visits still mean to her, even if she can’t show it, or gets to a stage where she doesn’t seem to recognize them.
