Round and round he went .. so I then advised my therapist that I did not get into the drama .. I let him speak, made my statement and now am definately moving .. now the second blow up on his end came within a week ..
As my medical emergency contact back in NM , one place called him .. not giving answers to his questions , he got angry, frustrated and spewed that out on me ..
Again, reminding him of this , I also made the statement that I am moving .. that I respect his wishes for anonymity, ad that while he has his needs , I have mine .. and that when he gets home from the road , we can sit and iscuss them , one at a time , but only after he rests , and is able to speak calmly, clearly ...
Here in lies the issue , in a hasty email , he begins to become passive , as we were raised to be passive/agressive in different degrees .. the passiveness arose, and panic as to the thought that now he upset me .. and the mention of me moving had him wanting to discuss it now ..
Well, y'know, I emailed back and said , I am okay .. I am okay with myself .. however the issues that have arose do need to be discussed , but not now .. and agin repeated myself .. well, I haven't heard back since ..
My history is to buckle in when someone tells me their tale of woe , or whatever .. and now , I must do what I need to in order to grow .. I no longer wish to be passive/aggressive , not with family, friends , lovers or MYSELF ...
Not sure if this makes sense , I hope it does, as it is all very new for me .. but I do now acknowledge my own acheivements , and it feels right .. I also acknowledge how much more I have to go , and so the therapy will go on as long as I need it .. my therapist , although in NM , is willing to stick with doing my sessions via phone and email ..
And I am grateful for this, for being given an opportunity to learn about how I can get a better handle on things, and having accepted my life .. as I want a better life , not material wise , just peaceful .. I want friends , in person friends .. so that is it forr now ..
I will definately continue to chronicle , and share , and if there is something that you don't understand , just ask .. I will do my best to explain .. thanks .. agserra
Hello Friend
You said it quite clearly, stay focus on the road in front of you I as you been dealing with anxiety issues for quite some time and I know what you mean by not letting yourself being absorb in others isssues the line between emphatie and sympathie is so fine that one sometimes cross over without knowing it out of kindness especially when it is so easy to be ''nice'' one thing I would like to point out to you is that everybody as the need to be recognize to be a part of...thats the human nature, but as you said not at any cost.
The need for approval is something that each and every one of us stride for to realize ourselfs a sense of achievement these are all honorable...but there is a balance to be found and one can only hope to find is or hers I think this takes a lifetime of living with all that it implies as we never stop growing on the road of our life.
So my friend be kind to yourself and to others...reminding yourself thats its YOUR life.
Suffolk