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this was really helpful, Eileen!
I have a friend who every now and again battles issues with mistrust of her partner. I remember once telling her that at a certain point, trust is a decision. Over time, your partner's actions will tell you intellectually whether they are trustworthy, but emotionally you can still have trouble getting there. At that point, you have to close your eyes and jump in the deep end. Decide to trust. And that's really hard.