When you have a child who suffers from anxiety it can be difficult to know what to do to help. My son Max has autism and anxiety seems to be a major component to his disorder. There are some days which are terribly draining because it seems all we do is deal with his anxieties. The thing is I understand anxiety because I suffer from it myself. But when the shoe is on the other foot and you are in the role of caregiver it is easy to forget empathy and grow impatient. I am going to give you some ways to both help your child as well as how to cope with your own feelings about your child's anxiety. Remember that every child is different as is every parent. What has worked for us may not work for you and your child.
1. Take your child's anxiety seriously. It may sometimes be hard to understand when your child feels anxious about something that you feel is not anxiety provoking. But to your child, it is a serious matter and you need to listen. It doesn't mean you over react or feed into their fears but it also doesn't mean that you diminish what they are going through by telling them, "There's nothing to be afraid of" or in essence to buck up and get over it. What may seem to be a small matter to you may be a huge matter in your child's world. Earn their trust by being respectful of their feelings.
2. Identify the triggers of your child's anxiety. When it seems that you cannot figure out why your child is feeling anxious it can be very useful to figure out any triggers which set off the anxiety response. One way to determine this information is to just ask your child. But if your child is like mine and cannot readily communicate what is bothering them the use of an "ABC" record can be very helpful. Basically an ABC record stands for Antecedent, Behavior, and Consequence. Divide up a sheet of paper into three columns. When your child experiences anxiety write down what behaviors they show under the Behaviors column. Then write down anything which preceded the anxiety attack for an antecedent. Also write down things like time of day, if they got enough sleep or any other conditions which might provide clues as to the cause of their behavior. Next, under the consequences write down what happens immediately after they feel anxious. Does anyone do or say anything which may inadvertently keep that anxiety going? Over time you will hopefully begin to see patterns of anything behavioral which makes the anxiety worse or better.
3. Remember that some children will act out when stressed or anxious. Anxiety doesn't always look the same for every child. Some children will begin to act out when they feel stressed or fearful. For example some kids may try to hit or kick other children invading their space because it makes them feel fearful and they are just trying to stop those feelings. My Max has a variety of behaviors he exhibits when stressed including crying, jumping up and down, or engaging in obsessive rituals. It is good to understand that some behaviors are not to push your buttons or for attention but may be the child's way of coping with unbearable stress and anxiety.
