They say that phobias are irrational fear.  I say, I don't care what you call it.  I am feeling it and it is real to me.  One of my phobias is flying on an airplane.  My palms are sweaty just thinking about it right now.  A good clue that you might have a phobia is if the mere thought of the object of your fear makes you sweat.  I hadn't always been terrified of flying.  I remember as a little girl having my mother describe riding on an airplane like it was some magical experience.  She told me about seeing the clouds from the window appear like big puffs of cotton candy passing by.  She told me it was like a party up there with people serving you snacks and food and even offering you pillows.  I had no idea what flying was like but it sure sounded wonderful.  I was very apprehensive for taking my first airplane trips as a young adult but I was soon gaining confidence. 

Perhaps flying could be rather magical as my mother had described.  But this all changed with one trip.    I rode on an airplane through bad weather and lots of turbulence.  The plane rocked, rattled, and dipped for two hours or more.  Drenched with sweat and shaking, I vowed to never fly again. 

I kept that vow for well over a decade.

Wherever I needed to go, I would travel by train or car.  But then came issues of practicality.  Travel by car or train takes a lot of time.  Let's face it.  Travel by plane can save much time.  I was in my late thirties when my sister urged me to try getting on a plane to come see her.  I had come by train to see her the year before but the hours it would drop me off at the train station were ungodly such as two am.  If I travelled by plane I could have more time to spend with my sister as well as choose a more humane time for her to pick me up at the airport.  Now this was back in 2003, just two years after 9/11.  I had not been on a plane in fifteen years.  I remembered that last horrible time and I immediately grew fearful.  I thought about 9/11 and grew even more anxious.  But I was ready to try again and face my fears head on.  I was going to fly on an airplane.

Here is my diary excerpt about my experience that day.  Although it is infused with some humor (this is one of my coping mechanisms) know that I was terrified out of my gourd.  But in the end I did it.  And I am still flying today.  I will share further stories of being fearful and flying in future posts.

My First Flight in Fifteen Years

I had gotten the plane tickets on-line and when I signed up for them I hadn't realized that the plane was a teeny tiny turbo prop plane with propellers.  Where was the jet?  There was no tube to walk through, just stairs to walk up like politicians and movie stars do.  I looked at the plane and just said...."Oh (expletive!)"  I added an "oh dear" for good measure.  I felt my feet moving so I was going on even though my head did not want to.