Hi, Merely Me.  Thanks for sharing that story, I could feel the pain you must have suffered trying to manage this.  I don't have social anxiety to the same degree that you do, but I remember feeling that same way at work.  I worked in the same department my whole career so there would be years where I would feel pretty comfortable with most people, but then we'd get some turnover and it would be a new experience each time.  I didn't want to be anti-social, either, but I hated being noticed or having to speak in front of a group of people because I was certain that I sounded so stupid and would say something incorrectly and get in trouble for it.  Especially my last few years on the job, it was all about projecting an impeccable image of our group, which was mostly Ph.D.s with huge egos.  I think I was their "embarrassment" with no degree.

Anyway, I discovered along the way that I could manage better one-to-one in social situations at work; if I could manage to locate myself near someone I felt comfortable with, it helped a lot.  I find I still have trouble with group situations; this choir I joined is full of really nice people, but I'm very nervous until we're singing and I can kind of "disappear" into it.  Everyone else auditions for solos - not me.  I don't trust my voice to not crack when I least expect it because of nerves.  Again, if I can sit by somebody I feel comfortable with, it helps a lot.

You're right - writing about this wasn't a lot of fun, brought back a lot of unpleasant memories, but the point is, I can see where I've been and feel like I've made a little progress, anyway!