We have been talking about social anxiety this month. I began this series with a post about social anxiety and dating in case you have missed it. The thing about social anxiety is that it affects every aspect of our life. None of us live in a vacuum. We all have to deal with the big wide world in some social capacity. Another realm where social anxiety can hinder our emotional growth is in the work place. I have much firsthand experience in coping with social anxiety at work and I can honestly say that talking about this will be an emotionally painful story to tell. Social anxiety on the job can diminish your self esteem and also limit your ability to move up the career ladder. You may feel that your boss and co-workers do not understand and they may not. Social anxiety is not an easy thing to explain if you decide to explain it at all.
My first "real" job out of graduate school was to work with adults who had multiple disabilities for a psychiatric hospital. I had very little social anxiety helping my clients. My anxiety was primarily caused by having to interact with co-workers and bosses. I was fine with one to one social interactions but a group meeting would have me sweating buckets. Sometimes I would stammer or forget what I wanted to say. Some of my co-workers had a running joke that I always needed to "catch up" as my nerves made it difficult for me to concentrate on what was said. The more formal the meeting, the more anxious I would become. But even these meetings were not the biggest source of my anxiety.
The element of working which increased my stress and anxiety the most were all the social functions. If I could have just worked my job without these extra events I would have felt secure. But you know how it is, at every workplace they expect you do things like go to happy hour, go to lunches, or attend birthday parties. It seemed every month was a cause for some big social event that we were expected to attend as part of our job. I would feel fright as soon as I got notice that there was one of these social events to attend. Right away I would be thinking of how I could get out of it. I had a billion excuses and I think I used every one. I soon became known as the person who didn't go to things. It was such agony for me. I would think about all the pressure to go and this would make things worse. I felt doomed because if I went, then I would have to deal with all that anxiety of being social. If I didn't go, people would think of me as a loser. I felt trapped and bad about myself.
For those who don't know what it feels like to have social anxiety, it feels like at any moment you are surely going to say or do the wrong thing in public in front of people who know you. You feel as though all eyes are on you and that you may be judged or scrutinized. It feels like you are one mistake just ready to happen and public humiliation is right around the corner. What comes so easy to others, such as attending a party or social get together is a huge challenge for you. And avoidance can become a way to deal with the overwhelming anxiety.
