Hi, Merely Me. Death is the one thing that nobody can come back from and tell you about it. Near-death experiences are the most we'll ever get to hear about and most of them are rather comforting. I think what I fear most about it is if it's going to be painful, like dying in a fire, or drowning or any other number of horrors one can think of. I'm hoping it's really true that your soul leaves your body and you feel no pain.
I do worry about leaving my younger son behind, who is developmentally disabled, because I see many who live in his community who have no family left and are alone for holidays and everything else.
Years ago, I was in the hospital room with my grandmother when she died; it was the first time I had actually seen someone die and I was scared as heck, but it was needless fear. Her breathing just got slower and slower and then it just stopped - no struggle, no gasping for air, nothing. I thought to myself that if that's all it is or could be, there would be nothing to fear.
Yes, death is part of the life cycle but we need to be able to mourn and grieve when we lose someone. Every day in the paper I see obituaries for people who are younger than I am - 30 years ago I would have thought they were old. My husband is 10 years older than I am and I realize that we don't have forever, but it's not easy to think about. I AM giving more serious thought to going on a Mediterranean cruise before we can't get around very well! I'll be 61 soon and some days I can't believe I've gotten that old! Yet, here it is already. Sometimes I wonder how I would feel if told I had a terminal illness and didn't have long to live, if I could LIVE or if I would be paralyzed with fear. I hope I would be able to do the former.
Wow Judy...you hit upon all the things I fear too and especially about my son who has autism...I think about him all the time. I am hoping that his older brother will be there for him to help.
I do think you should do the cruise and then take another one! Enjoy your life.
Thanks so much for stopping by to read and comment...it means a lot.
I don't fear death at all. I did, at one time, for one year, no..., for slightly less than one year. I was so far away from life I had known for my first eighteen years that I so desperately wanted to see again, to experience so many things I had yet to know. I did not want to die so far away then.
But I saw death fill the eyes of young men and I saw the same fear, the crying out for things familiar, for loved ones never to be seen again and there was nothing anyone could do to stop death, to change what they witnessed. Whatever it is, it took as it pleased
I saw that people could easily fight to survive, or as easily give up.
I remember one pitch black night, unable to see your hand or anything, holding on to the strap of the man in front of you, moving endlessly, exhaustively like a train, start and stop all night, and never knowing when either would happen. This after a full day of walking.
I saw a few men just sit down in a horribly dark, foreign, dangerous place and just give up. Heard them curse at you when you urged them to get up. They gave up.
That is what death makes you do, no matter what you wish. And believe me, some men wish like you may never have heard.
I fear the pain of death. In the dying and those who grieve the dying and dead. I feared the pain of my mother hearing her son had died half way around the world. As many did, and there I learned that death for each of us, takes us away.
I don't know where. And unless I have some control of it, I don't care where. Death just does not care. It takes. When it comes, will I be ready? No, I could live forever and not have experienced enough. I won't fear it, just the pain I am experiencing and the pain which I have caused. I don't understand the capriciousness of death, how it chooses. It takes a child as easily as it takes an elder, it takes a child's father before she, or he, is grown. The void it leaves can be tremendous or nary a ripple on humanities pond.
I should delete all this, it matters not, and is, weird, I suppose. Back into my shell.
Oh Paul...
I cannot even begin to imagine what you have gone through and to see death so close up...and at that young age. I would not have survived such an experience. You are very courageous and brave.
It is something that death does take both the young and the old. It doesn't make sense. I am now 11 years older than my father was when he died. How can that be?
Thank you so much for sharing your story here. I do hope you continue to write.
Hello Merely me,
It's not death I fear but the dying in pain and agony before death. Yet when I O.D.d on meds my instinct was to call 911, my recent car accident was in my opinion a near death experience. While I can't recall alot of the details the fact I was able to get myself out of the car under my own power is again instinct to survive.
This may sound morbid but @ times I wished I had died all the emotional pain, the struggle to survive and the burdon I am to family and relationships as a whole are often more then I can bare. But I awake every day and go thru the motions as if everything is fine.
dewalt
Recently I have been inundated w/ uncertain news conserning the health of my 14 yr.old niece, a friend whom I live next door to is dying, my 20 yr.old cousin being deployed @ anytime now to Afghanistan my slum lord landlord complaining about a neighbor who plowed my driveway which he did out of the kindness to help his neighbors, and my neck injury from my car wreck,as when I have limited ability to turn my neck from left to right and a grinding and popping feeling in my neck. I go back to the nerosurgeon on 3/8/10.
As for my niece she will be fine and can resume sports @ school as long as she keeps herself hydrated properly. Thats the good news and a relief.. I have felt ansy,tense, frustrated and anxious. I find myself worrying about the what if's and trying to convince myself it will all work out some how. It gets overwhelming @ times.
I recieve CBT and it is helpful but hard to relearn not to panic..
Dewalt
Hi Dewalt!
Good to hear from you again. That is a lot of stress to handle. I am glad to hear about your niece. Doesn't it seem things just happen all at once? It must seem overwhelming.
I hope you talk more about your therapy...I have had some experience with cognitive behavioral therapy but the therapist I had wasn't very good. Was wondering what your therapist does to help. I orginally went to such a therapist when I was 37 because of my driving phobia as one of my issues and he told me it was a mid-life crisis? huh???? I stopped going to him.
Thanks again for commenting. Nice to meet others who also deal with anxiety and panic attacks.
Hello Merely me,
I feel CBT has helped me sometimes not at the speed I would like, but I have been able to put things in a differnt prospective and not dwell so much on the negative....some of the time.
It seems when your world is spiraling out of control is when all the negative thoughts creep into your head. It's not an easy road to travel but I make a conscious effort to make my self aware of the triggers. It is an every day process/ battle and it's good for me to vent to her and this site as stress an every day things become overwhelming. Keep in touch I wnjoy your posts and the things we share in common.
Hope you have a great wk end.
dewalt
Well thank you so much...you give great advice and suggestions. My triggers have changed over the years and now I am set off by visual and auditory stimuli...I believe due to my MS. It has been hard lately but I am muddling my way through.
Just to let you know...I also write over on My Depression Connection . You will have to stop by sometime.
It is very nice to talk to you.
Hello...
This looks like a good place to vent. haha. Um... I've recently had a looming fear of death. I think it's subconsciously stemming from my grandmother's recent death. I've just spent a lot of time considering it lately. I woke up this morning with the idea of, "What if this is my last day? Is this what I want to do? I want to call all of the people that I want to talk to at least one more time." Anyway, it's such a strange feeling to consider. Thinking about whether I'll get to fulfill my plans of living a long life, or if I'll get swept away before I'm ready is extremely upsetting to me. It causes Obsessive Compulsive thoughts and actions, and an incredible amount of anxiety. It is a load I'm having increasingly more trouble bearing.
The reason for all of the anxiety? Well, from what I can tell, it's selfish. I don't want to endure the emotional trauma of ultimate disappointment; ultimate letdown. Also, I'm attached to my body... I've spent a lot of time with myself and the thought of being spiritually stripped of something I'm so fond of bothers me (if spiritual aspects are true, which I feel they are, but metaphysics is exactly what it sounds like. Something that can't be proven with regular physics). And, lastly, it irritates me that I can't just know what or if anything is going to happen to what I consider to be "me" after death. It just astounds me that something as sophisticated and historical as life and the universe is something that can be considered as... mere chance or luck. Surely that isn't so. Who knows though?
It's just strange to me, and pretty hard for me to accept, that we are just supposed to carry on with life and trust (with a foundation of hope, not facts) that everything will be okay. I mean, I see the evidence all around me everyday that things will work out; that they have some sort of meaning, even though I don't know what it is.
I guess what I'm seeking can't be achieved. At least, that's how I feel right now. And I don't know how to deal with the disappointment that I know I'll feel when dying, no matter how I go. I'll be disappointed that I never got to experience life the way I would have had I not had to spend any time worrying and wondering about what goes on after what we call "life."
Basically, I don't want to die. And the reason for not wanting to die is simple. I don't understand it as necessary to life. How does the ego and "self-preservation" even survive with the ever-looming knowledge that death is a sure thing. No one escapes it, yet we all struggle to out-wit it for as long as possible. I don't understand how that is even a battle. I'm not suicidal. I don't want that. I've considered that and I know for sure that I would not be happy if there is something "after" life having ended mine without experiencing it to the fullest in search of the answer to my unanswerable question.
So, am I just going to have to accept the defeat of death in order to "really live?" That seems so depressing and self-defeating. Once the concept of certain death at an unknown hour has taken grasp of a mind, as it has mine, how do you break free of the anxiety it will inevitably cause? How do you continue a normal life with normal goals, and normal excitement and normal surprise? How can you fall in love knowing that it probably won't last forever because eventually, you will die. Is it worth it?
in a way, I can see a comical aspect of it... I can imagine a cynical chuckle as I observe a situation and KNOW that it's only temporary and that the people enjoying it are going to be let down slightly when it's over, and then they'll continue to chase that natural high they got from it until the day they go.
Love, Happiness, Excitement, Hope, are all things that end. And they're addicting. Life is almost like a drug and not very many people want off of it in fear of what "life" might be like after it (if that even exists at all).
So, if I die tonight, please know, I'll be a little pissed off.
1. I'll be pissed off that I never figured out my answer I seek.
2. I'll be disappointed that it didn't last as long as I'd hoped.
3. I might be excited to finally know what happens next (if my memory of who I am goes with my spirit).
4. I don't want it, at least not yet. I don't like that we don't get to decide how or when or why we die.
In general, death just makes me upset. Every aspect of it irritates me.
So, I'm thankful for the delusional state I wake up to every morning, well most mornings... I like being distracted. I don't want to think about it and it's my ultimate wish that I knew for sure what happens at that moment in the end. Is it a transfer of the energy we call a spirit? Is it just death (an end)? I can't seem to shake these thoughts. I want a normal life of delusion and ignorance, but at the same time I feel like if I knew the answer, I'd be more happy.
I'll leave you with a quick reference to my near death experience a few years ago. I hydroplaned and thought my truck was going to roll and in the instance that was happening, I remember time slowing down and my only thought was... "Welp, my truck is going to roll. This looks like the end. I hope it's not. Will I survive? HOLY SHIT I'M ALIVE AND IT DIDN'T ROLL!"
Anyway, that's my rant. Thoughts?
- Cory
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Hi MM
Having face the death of my mother at a young age was per say my first experience in regards to death, I remember that I was devastated by it I was there when she died right by her side I remember her body was still warm and couldnt believe that she had gone I was 18.
Since I lost many many familly members so seing a corpse doesnt bother me all that much anymore, I myself had close encounters with death and there must be something wrong with me but every time it happen a feeling of peace came over me, the last time is when I had a heart attack, I remember at the hospital when I was put on the cold operating table I was very calm and actually ask the Doctor how he was doing, he answered your going to be fine and had to repeat my question to him, he had a odd look on his face when he realize that I was asking him how he was doing.
I think what I am more affraid of is when my time will come what will be the reaction of my son, brother & sister after the operation when I saw my brothers face he was the first at my side and he looked terrified.
To be honnest I dont want to grow to old this might be selfish on my part but then again its my life/death here so I guess when the time come I will welcome it, not that I have a death wish I dont but I would rather go out ''kicking'' than being sick for a long time, I told my brother and sister that in the eventuality that I couldnt make a decision to pull the plug.
The debate over euthanasia and the right to die in dignity in Canada might be over soon but thats a hole other conversation
Be Well
Michel
Hi Michel
I still am not used to seeing the dead...it does frighten me. But I do find cemetaries peaceful.
I think what you talk about...not wanting to linger or be in pain...many people think about. Also...how our family will deal with our death...it is difficult to think about.
Let's hope we live a good long time and keep our health!
Thanks so much for your comment Michel.