For those fortunate individuals who do not suffer from anxiety or phobias, it may seem like a phobia would be an easy “fix.” You simply face the fear and get over it. But for those of us who do suffer from phobias, we know that there are no easy fixes and we can’t just will ourselves to stop feeling fearful. And even when we face the very situation or object of our fear, there is no guarantee that this action will cure our phobia. We read a lot of textbook articles on anxiety disorders but what I wanted to present is the first hand experience of what it feels like to confront one’s fears. I think the patient perspective is critical to understand the process of coping with an anxiety disorder in the day to day.

I remember going to the neighborhood pool and watching a woman sitting cautiously on the edge of the pool in the shallow end. We began a conversation and at some point I casually asked if she was going to get in as it was a hot day. Then this woman told me how she was phobic of getting into the water. I told her that I was also fearful of the pool but only the deep end. She then told me the story of how she was afraid of swimming as a child. To “cure” her fear, a relative threw her into the pool and she felt like she was drowning. Since then, she never went into a pool but simply dangled her legs into the water while sitting on the edge. I could tell she wanted to get over her fear as she looked longingly at her grandchildren who were having fun playing in the water. She told me she wished that that relative had never done that to her as it made her phobia worse.

This was a story I could relate to from my own experience. I have always been afraid of going in the deep end of the pool. In high school we had swimming lessons. Despite the fact that I learned to tread water and swim a little I was still afraid. It was a humiliating moment when I was forced to jump into the deep end and I ended up panicking. The teacher actually had to get one of those long poles to get me out. Immersion into the thing I feared didn’t work for me just as it didn’t work for the woman I met at the pool. Yet so many people believe that this is how to cure a phobia.

My fear of heights has not been cured by people carrying me onto Ferris wheels or rollercoasters. I remember being terrified as a teen when I was in a group and one of the boys dragged me onto the biggest rollercoaster at the park. My friends honestly thought that this act would snap me out of feeling fearful and that I would just love rollercoaster rides after this. I didn’t and it actually made my fear more entrenched. Travelling by airplane has not gotten rid of my great anxiety over flying. I have had a lot of recent practice in public speaking and my fear is still there. One of my relatives lectures for a living. She has done this for decades and does it well. But before each talk, she goes into the bathroom and vomits a little. She once told me that while she was in the bathroom a famous writer of children’s literature was also there and puking before her speech. Somehow my relative's story validates my own hard earned wisdom that simple immersion into the situation we fear is not a cure for phobias.