I have always marveled at people who seem to effortlessly make conversation with others. There are some who even enjoy it. I think they are called extraverts. And then there are people like me, who shy away from most social situations which may require striking up a conversation or making chit chat due to raw fear. If you suffer from social anxiety disorder the thought of having to make conversation may cause you to feel anxiety ranging from apprehension to downright panic.

It is good to know that we socially anxious folk are not alone. In fact the Anxiety Disorders Association of America reports that there are about 15 million of us living in the United States. We are the ones hiding from the neighbors to avoid making small talk or who are making up every excuse in the book to not go to the work party or social function. Some of us may be classified as nerds like the fellows on the TV show, The Big Bang Theory. The character of Sheldon works on his conversational and social skills by devising a Friendship Algorithm, a flow chart designed to help him initiate connection. As hilarious as this comedy skit may be, how many of us wish we had such a chart to help us figure out the art of making friends? We can probably also relate to the awkwardness of trying to make conversation in a group as demonstrated by the Big Bang characters, Sheldon and Leonard as they try to fit in at a Halloween party.  But the character who most fits the socially anxious role is the character of Raj who becomes terrified to the point of complete silence when trying to talk to a girl.

So what is it that makes conversing with others such a scary proposition?

I have some theories of my own.

• You might feel that you are going to be judged in some way. You may worry that you will say something dumb or embarrass yourself. You may worry that you will come across as dull, boring, or weird. You may also feel that you will have nothing to say or that you won’t be able to keep up your end of the conversation.

• Some of you may experience speech difficulties such as stammering or stuttering when feeling pressured to speak leading to feelings of frustration and a weakened self esteem. Have you all seen the movie, The King’s Speech? For anyone who battles social anxiety and speech problems, you will love this film.

• Talking to others, especially in a group, requires a constant monitoring of social rules which can be vague and confusing. You have to not only pay attention to what is said, but tone, intonation, personal space, eye contact, body language and of course what is actually being said. It can seem overwhelming to know how to be a part of this social dynamic and also appear calm, cool, and collected.

• Feeling nervous can make you worry that people will pick up on your anxiety and see you sweat, fumble for words, and struggle. The fear you feel when talking to others may make you feel more anxious because there is a chance you will show your anxiety symptoms in public. It is a negative feedback loop which can be hard to break.