My mom passed in February of last year. Since we were small I have always been the responsible one the one to take care of everyone. My mom spent an entire year battling cancer going to weekly even daily treatments. I went with her everytime. Yet, I worked full time. I moved my work schedule around and worked on midnights so I could be there when she needed me. I bet your thinking ok what's the point. The point is my brother who is 10 months younger than me was unemployed at the time living at my mother's home and doing nothing for her. My mother had 3 major surgeries during the year she was sick. My brother only went to the hospital once while she was in sugery for 15 minutes only because family was going to be there and he didn't want them to judge him. Yet, I sat there the entire time, each time. I don't want a medal for anything I did. I did it because I love my mom. She gave me life and she has always been the only person who has been there for me anytime I needed someone. My brother would tell my mom to stop whining and go back to her bedroom when she was having bad days. He would call me at work or at home and tell me to come deal and deal "with your mother." This is the woman who gave birth to him. I took 3 months off work without pay to carer for her. Could have lost my house, etc but thought it was important to be there for her. He was at my moms house while I took care of her and never left his playstation or computer, eating her out of house and home. This isn't a young person either he is 32. My mom named my exectuor of her estate which sent my brother into a tyriad. My brother has never been responsible and I always habe. I split everything equally down to the penny. Since I own my own home and my brother was living in my moms I gave him $38,000 and told him he could do the responsible thing and pay off the $30,000 remaining mortgage on the house and own it scott free. Instead he chose to keep the cash. Well he blew threw it in 6 months with nothing to show for it. Still unemployed decided he should probably find a job now that mommy wasn't around to pay the heat and grocery bill. So he got a job paying $9 an hour. Fine however he wanted to continue living like he had while mom took care of him. He missed mortgage payments and continously called me to help. I did for a while. I even gave him my extra car when his broke down. The final straw came when I have made the 4th mortgage payment in a row. I had asked him to come over and help me with a small project which he said he would but never called or showed up. This wasn't the first time this had happened. It was like the 100th. He always wants people to help him but can't do for anyone else. At this point, I became fed up. I went and got my car back and signed a quick claim deed on the house over to him. I was tired of feeling I had to keep the house going just because my name was on the deed when I didn't live there and didn't have anything to do with it. I didn't do this because I hate my brother. I did it because I love him. I want him to learn that at 32 you have to be a grown up and when you are a grown up you have to be responsible for yourself. Because in reality you are the only one who owes you something no one else does. Well, my brother is a master manipulator and has always tired to turn people against me. I was sure my family would be manipulated by him because of his charm but they weren't. To my surprise they all said we've seen what he is all about the whole time. We just had to let you handle it. The only person who my brother was able to manipulate was one of my supposed close friends. She is a desperate, clueless, person who knows all about my brother from him but wants a man in her life. This girl states she wants a baby and doesn't care who the father is. This is a whole other story. But just so you know there are others going through the same sort of stuff. You are not alone. Stay strong.

dewalt.17

4/18/10 2:30am

Hello Kelly,

 

Nice to hear from you, man family certainly can be your worst enemy...I'm sure not all families are like thar at least I hope not.  I was given a choice to drop the fight against my employer as I had @ a later date applied for disability, I t was a conflict of the case about my ability to work as well as havinga car accident that has to this day still a painful long recovery, that left me with a fractured  vertabrae among other injuries.

I went to my first hearing and was denied but appealing the decision, as much as my accident wasn't the focus of my case it has become part of it as I had a concussion and can't remember the questions posed or the answers I gave only that I know I attended the hearing.  I am still under the care ofa nerosurgeon to whom I will need to see again as I am finding intermittantly when I lay flat the room spins and making it difficult to steady my self and my equalibrium is off and sometimes I lose my balance.  This according to the doc. is normal til things completely heal, but the dizzieness isn't.  I don't remember the actual accident or much afterward.

 

See you are right on the money about physical signs, vs. the mental anguish suffered.  The judgement people are so quick to jump to... I have tried to get family dr.s and friends to understand, but as any thing else until they walk in ur shoes they can't understand and are the ones to pass unfair judgement.  I don't have much to do with family or so called friends as they just don't get it.  Most use other methods to self medicate , yet jump on the judgement band wagon, so I don't bother wasting my time constantly explaining or finding myself defending my self, they do not support my problem and just avoid me so I do the same as they really only care about their own self absorbed constant drama.

I have been going for CBT therapy fpr more then 3 yrs.now and have learned some coping skills .  It is a daily process that takes time and patience but it for the most part has helped me.  I was abused in almost every way as a kid and people say it happened along time ago... move on , get over it.  Easier said thn done when it affects your daily life.

 

Keep in touch if you want to talk or just vent...

 

Dewalt