Tuesday, February 17, 2009
People often mistake social anxiety disorder for shyness. But the 15 million adults suffering from the disorder know how debilitating it can be, how it interferes with their daily lives — and that it needs to be treated. The intense fear of being judged by others in social or performance situat...
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Mine is as follows, When people try to talk to me i start to build up anxiety and panic. I can't for the life of me figure out how to combat this feeling i get. I mean I want to hear what they have to say but just can't.(makes for a lonley world) I tell all my friends of this condition, some understand most don't. The worst place is the ckeck out counter of any store. Whys this there just people I don't even know. Boy but panic is there. I wait untill I find an open register then run to it, cause then theres no waiting in line, or I will go just before closing time when there's no one in there. My wife devorced me cause of the mental withdraw I had from her. She really didn't try to help me over the years w/ the problem, I guess she didn't care to much. Just called me a lazy no good bum. I could talk about this all day if someone knew the same thing as I know. If you never had anxiety or panic or deppression or sosial phobia there's now way you can say oooo I understand just like the shrinks do. I say you ever had it, they say no and I say u don't understand what it is at all. It's not external it's internal. I could have a panic attack right in front of you and you wouldn't know it. Thats how well I can hide it. Well thanks for reading this, send me you comments. I want to talk to other people w/the same thing.
i also have this SAD problem, and would like to share some thoughts. it is very siriouse problem which stops you from doing any social activities, relationships, etc.
how people around react to this behavior and misinterpret it as rudeness if you avoid contact with them at work or school.
it would be nice to talk to someone who has the same problem.
If there is anything you would like to know about this sad situation just ask me and I will try to help. Iv'e had it for fifteen years or so I know all the symtoms of, but can't seem to fix it for good. You know the only times i really go to visit my friends is when im drinking cause evough of it knocks it right out of me for that brief time. I have every excuse in the book to avoid a conversation with some people, not all people some i can talk to all day others no way. It's kinda like a flight thing i do. Thatnk god I'm self employed id never work around people. I also have whats called vertigo large buildings bridges excet,,,,,,, stir me up. write back if you like and i'll write to
thanks for replying, i would love to talk more about this problem. I do work in a big office with lots of people but it makes me constantly nervous and tense, just precense of those people is enough for me to freak out. I was also thinking about becoming self employed becuase it's obviously less stress.
I can't handle big crowds and people who talk right in my face. When I think back on life I think I have allways had this disorder. Just didn't reckignise it un till more responsability came along. I seem as when I have to talk to some one I always have to be doing something with my hands cause it ditracts me from the conversation. The weird thing is that I really do want to hear what they have to say. I don't really know what to say to you, I always seem to talk about myself. Tell me more of you'r self ? I
Well, What can I say, I have this problem for quiet a long time as well. It started from shyness and progressed to sad. First when I was a teenager I knew that I am too quiet comparing to most of other folks but i didn't know what is going on. I realized that when I took psychology class and bought some books about anxiety. Than I was sure i have Sad. Which is sad, but there is a hope.
Do you also often get angree at yourself for not doing what you want to do, I mean social stuff?
How do you think in your example, is it genetic or something traumatic happened in your childhood? I think in my case it's both and plus some negative experience with people i knew which made me distrastful. The more I grew up, the more isolated i became.
In the couple of last years I am changing jobs and can't find any where i can feel comfortable, these negative thouts about others judjing me or talking about me make more distant from people. And you right, just to realize problem doesn't automaticaly
solve the problem. Did you try any therapy for this issue? Are you as well depressed, if you don't mind me asking? Did you try to see this hole situation with humor?
Ok,will be waiting for responce.
O i think this all started w/child hood. My parents died at an earley age and i was left to defend for myself. I was sent to a private school, Milton hershey school the man that made the hershey bar. It was free so before my mother died she sent me there anlong w/two other brothers. there was no problem there but i think thats where it all started. Now i have been married to a great wife and three children and they all left me cause of my distance that this thing put between us. But I'm trying to be ok w/this and she thinks I'm a bad gus cause of my distance from her. She has no idea the loss I have. I have been doing this theropy that tells me to go ahead and accept the anxiety and say hey give it to me all you got and realize that it's all fictious ie: in my head. And I think it is In stead of flight i take it on all the wat and say is that all you got,,,, comeon and give me the worst of what you got and deal w/it
I am sorry to hear about your parents and wife. It's in fact very traumatic experience. I think you very strong person to be able to furvive such a trauma.
Did you try to talk with your wife and explain how you feel, maybe family therapist would help. I just want to tell you no to give up and hopefully one day your life will be much easier, happier, fulfiling, etc.
I am always open for discussions if you feel lonely and want to talk to someone who understands and cares.
Thank you for your concern. My wife didn't understand what i was going through and didn't really care. I hope to find others that are in the same situation on here. Were all in the same boat and I'm looking for others that are suffering the same thing as we are. Are there others out there i want to hear from them. I thank you for responding to me.
It does help a little knowing there are others that CAN relate.
I have it & all the things described fit to a 't'. I use the self check out
whenever possible & go in the A.M. hours.
I work at a gated isolated from public factory and just stay home otherwise.
I've just gone to work, gas, grocery or a movie for about the last 17 years.
I think for me it's partly genetic predisposition combined with being isolated
& emotionally harassed as a child then crime & harassment which after a few
years led to isolating myself as a adult.
I'm a 5'4" man and feel negatively judged all the time or viewed less capable,
desirable etc by complete strangers as well as some very large coworkers. I've
been ripped off by (I thought)friends from work as well as in public.(multiple
home invasions, gunpoint robberies, cars stole,scams,etc)
Combined with bad luck (natural events)I've lost most of my passion for things and
hope. I basically just want to die and be with God to be happy. If I could just get
my life together i.e. money pit problems like house &cars fixed & most importantly
overcome this social phobia I feel I'd be alright.
I want more than anything to have a social network of friends but mainly a relationship.
I have been single and alone my entire adult life (I had a girlfriend for a month or
so once when I was 17 before I graduated and moved here but that's it. That was the only year I didn't live on base as a child) & in a few weeks I 'celebrate'(ha ha)my 40th
birthday.
I'm so lonely if not for my 2 cats I seriously would probably do suicide via garden
hose from tailpipe.
It seems women want a happy, has his life together, experienced, confident, preferably tall man & I'm none of these. I mean I've been at the same job 22 years & am fairly intelligent(although it doesn't show here) & at least used to be creative but other than the time at job, intelligence is apparently not really that attractive.
Being a ballsy loudmouth is. I was never told it was social proof/acceptance and balls.
My stepfather basically emotionally castrated me as a child . You weren't allowed
emotions or to converse. Just sit down, shut up & keep a smile on your face. If you
cared about something it was tossed to teach you a lesson. Globetrotting every year on little island military bases helped create social akwardness and no network.
Since turning 18 I've lived in a racist, crime, gang town. It has gone rapidly downhill
in recent years but I'm afraid to leave and end up worse since my job pays fairly well & years invested. I want stability as well probably because of childhood constant moving.
It just makes it harder by the day and it was hard enough 20 years ago.
I've bought tens of thousands of dollars worth of books, videos, audios & signed up
online for meetups and such. I've tried just pushing through and doing it (going out)
regardless a few times but end up feeling humiliated, embarassed, so nervous that I feel look like a fool and it is to painful to continue to force myself.
(Or I get robbed, car stole, approached by bums, crackheads,etc)
Just forcing myself might be what is required but I don't know if I can if I don't get more promising results for the effort.
I've never seen a psychologist for the worry of insurance & job labels for life & basically because I have social anxiety after all. I'm just as afraid to see them as any stranger.
Small groups are most comfortable once I get to know people, but initially I would
prefer a crowd to blend in. Although that is terrifyingly uncomfortable too. I relate to
the in your face. I'm introverted and overthink where it seems many out there are
extroverts and probably don't do enough thinking when it comes to others or about themselves.
I wish I could either make progress or just not feel the desire or care anymore. I've
tried not thinking about it (my loneliness & desires for a relationship) but eventually I can't help but think about it. Blocking it out seemed to help in my twenties but throughout my thirties as time goes by I just end up more depressed and suicidal thinking when I can't block it out anymore.
I'd give a decade or two off the last years of my life to be able to live normal & have a happy healthy relationship from now till then. My life has been one almost nonstop, unhappy, lonely, painful journey. I just want that to end. Nothing seems to work to get rid of the fear of being judged or humiliated.
Perhaps a little bit of alcohol temporarily. I don't really like to drink. I used to smoke a lot of marijuana but it probably just helped in keeping me isolated. It doesn't seem to make me really feel much better anymore anyway.
Especially with the laws as they are. just something else to be anxious about.