Its the two week mark from my last ECT. I am doing alright. Yesterday I had a major anxiety attack. I didn't handle it very well. I snapped at my wife. She had nothing to do with the attack and I had no right to lash out at her. I was gonna write about it before this but decided against it..I didn't want to escalate my mood. I was able to calm down fairly quickly and promptly apologized to my wife and asked if she could forgive me.

This attack came out of nowhere..or did it? I believe that everything happens because of something else happening. Its like a drunk who ends up in bar with a drink in hand..he didn't just end up there, he had a reason why he went to the bar.

My reason is simple. I have been looking at it all day today trying to figure out why I ended up yelling at my wife. We were at the dog park with our three dogs. We were the only ones there. A van pulled up and out jumped a dog. Teddy our lab went nuts! He went after the dog. Now the park is fenced in, we were inside the fence and the other dog outside. I tried to leash Teddy when he suddenly slid half way under the fence trying to get the dog. He slipped his collar before I could leash him. The owner was able to get her dog away from mine. I managed to grab Teddy before he got all the way through the fence. I collared Teddy and we left. I apologized to the woman but she was indignant, which I kinda understood. I was scared and clearly upset. I didn't talk to Margaret the whole trip home. We got home and put the dogs in the house and left to go eat lunch. Margaret asked a simple question and I snapped at her. The awful look on her face brought me immediate shame. I kept quiet for awhile. After what seemed like hours I finally apologized and asked if she could forgive me.

I didn't sleep well last night. I've been up since midnight and its 4:30PM right now. I am not tired but a bit weary. I don't have ANY anxiety and haven't had any all day. Where does it come from so quickly and leave just as fast? Is the park incident the reason I had the attack? I have been having small bouts of anxiety since Sunday but nothing as major as Tuesday. Are the small attacks a sign that a big one is in near?

I hate anxiety. I don't deal well with it. I can handle depression very easily. I am getting better at handling anxiety but every now and then I have a major episode. Is this part of the illness?

Thank you for letting write about this.

David